A Modern Job

attended thanksgiving mass last night during the charismatic prayer session. the celebrant was Father Joe Tan.

in a way, the thanksgiving mass was something really special for me. i mentioned in a few previous posts that the past few weeks have been tough. throughout the weeks, there really wasn’t anything much to be thankful for. i did try to give thanks and really be thankful and grateful for the blessings i have received but it all sounded rather trite and contrived.

i was giving thanks for the sake of giving thanks. there weren’t any convictions in the thanks. just mouthing the words. however, during the mass, it was very different. there was a peace that just came down on me. i didn’t hear His voice or anything, but i felt so much at peace. and something told me that it doesn’t matter whether or not i really felt grateful. the point was that i made an effort to do so when i could just as easily not bothered to.

a lot of times, we say “why me” when the going gets tough. but it’s usually at those tough times that we are tested and that we find out what we are made of. maybe, we may have felt that we have fallen short of the standards. but then again, what if maybe, the whole point is just to know that we are weak? and that in our weakness, God is our strength.

i remember the story of the man and the boulder.

There was a man living by himself in a small cabin in the mountains. One day, God appeared to him and asked him to move a huge and heavy boulder that was near his cabin. The man did not understand why God asked him to push the boulder. However, he did not think to question God. He thought that since God has called him to push the boulder, something was meant to happen.

So the man pushed and pushed. He pushed day and night with all his strength. However, the boulder refused to budge. The man did not give up hope however, and he continued to push and to push. Time went on and yet, the boulder still hasn’t moved an inch. By now, the man was beginning to give up hope.

The devil appeared to him and said to him, “What’s the point of pushing so hard? You’re only a man. You obviously cannot move the mountain. Why don’t you just relax a little bit and stop pushing?”

The man replied, “But my Lord has said to push. I will push a little while more”

The devil continued, “Then, don’t push with all your strength. You have done your best. You won’t succeed at this. Accept that you have failed. It is useless. Then just take it easy and do the least amount of work you can.”

The man was about to give in to the advice of the devil. However, he thought that he would pray about it first. “Lord, I have pushed and pushed. But I have failed you. I am not able to move the boulder even an inch. I am unworthy.”

Just as the man was about to give up, the Lord spoke. “My child, you are not a failure. I have asked you to push the boulder and you have pushed. I have seen you pushed the boulder daily. You were obedient. But I have only asked you to push the boulder. I have not asked you to move it. I will never ask you to do the impossible.

My child, look at your arms. In the time you have spent pushing, your arms have grown stronger. Your back has strengthen and so have your legs. You have grown stronger because you were obedient to my word. You have trusted in me and have been obedient even though you know it was impossible. Now, I will move the boulder.”

heh. PUSH. and have faith in God. so, when life is getting you down, PUSH! when you’re having trouble on your job and things are not working out, well, start PUSHING! when the bills are high and the money is low, PUSH! when people aren’t responding to you in ways you hope and want, PUSH! when people don’t understand you, PUSH!

and that brings me back to Father Joe. he’s a priest who have served God faithfully over 30 years. last year, he was diagnosed with cancer. he shared last night about his fears and about times when he has asked “why?”. however, he stressed that he always give thanks to God for the other blessings he has received and that he knows God will take care of things. now, he says that after the chemotherapy, he’s 40% cleared.

it seems that the thanksgiving mass came right at the time when i needed it most. things haven’t been going well for me. although i haven’t blamed God outright, sometimes, it feels that way when i complained to Him. i would ask Him why hasn’t my life taken a turn for the better when i am already giving Him my life. i would bring up my ministry services to Him. i would tell Him that i have served faithfully in choir and during my praise and worship. i would even tell Him that i even committed myself as a catechist.

heh. this is a wakeup call. God showed me someone who has served Him for 30years as a priest and who is still strong in faith even when he has cancer. this showed me that serving God doesn’t mean we get everything going for us. but that serving Him means that he will be with us even when the going gets tough.

learnt a lot and have been humbled. it gave me a reason to give thanks with a grateful heart once again.

Lord, I ask that in Your mercy and grace, You will continually keep me in check and grant me more humility. Father, I ask for wisdom and understanding that in the face of my fears and hardship, I will be like Job and Father Joe Tan. Father, I thank You for teaching me to be grateful and for being with us even in our times of hardship. I want to be even more firm in my faith. I want to be more obedient to Your word. Father, all this I ask in the name of Your Beloved Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen.