songs

yesterday, after 7am mass and after choir practise, i stayed back in church to help out with the charismatic ministry’s canteen day operation. to be honest, i never did much. i just stood around, helping to distribute the phamplets.

when i got home, i was just so tired. the night before, i actually had something on in church after my catechism class. it was a Parents’ Night where we invite parents of the secondary one and two students to come on down for an information session. we would share with them what we are sharing with the children and also appeal to them to get involved with their children’s formation in the catholic faith.

i got home around 11+ and i only slept at 1 in the morning. truly a long day as i was already in church by 3.30pm that saturday. although to be fair, i’m sure the catechists for the 2.30pm session were just as tired as they had to be up and be in church much earlier.

anyway, a couple of weeks ago, i was truly down. i was just so tired. tired of serving. i haven’t been serving as much as other people but i felt burned out and that too contributed to my feeling down. it’s like, i keep telling myself i have no right to feel burned out when other people who are serving longer and harder than me aren’t. and quite a bit, i felt that my servitude wasn’t one of love. i felt that i ‘had‘ to serve because i ‘have‘ to repay God for Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

i felt i owed Him my salvation and that i have to serve Him because of it.

this is her response:

“that’s where our faith lies, in that despite the trials and problems, we live like Easter people. John, God chose YOU, so you deserve all the graces He gives you because you are His child, it’s your right as His child. You don’t need to pay back anything except to love Him perfectly. He wants you to be happy and all He asks, is for you to love Him.

you serve not because you need to repay him, but you serve Him because you LOVE Him. It’s like any relationship John, you do stuff for them because you love them, and that’s all there is to that.”

all along, i knew all those. but all those were just head knowledge. so anyway, after serving and helping out in the canteen, i got home around 1.30pm. i went and took a nap and woke up at about 4pm. it was right around then, even though i felt tired, there was something more.

the whole of the previous night and in the morning, as i was getting ready for mass, i told God that although i am tired, i want to continue to serve Him. because in my tiredness, that’s where my strength lies. in my tiredness, i can count on Him to fill me. and guess what? after i woke up at 4pm, all i felt was love.

at about 11pm, this song came to me:

My Greatest Love Is You
by Hillsong

Every new day, Your glory unfolds
Filling my eyes with Your treasures untold
The beauty of holiness brings worship anew
My greatest love is You

Call me deeper into Your grace
The river that flows from the Holy Place
Wash over me cleansing me through
My greatest love is You

and that’s just what i am feeling now. my greatest love… i’m strengthened for the week ahead. and i pray i will never doubt Him again.

been going through some tough weeks. for one thing, i’m not so sure this line is something i want to stay any longer in. Father Erbin mentioned in the sermon this morning that maybe, just maybe, the reason my net is not hauling any fishes is because I’ve been putting my nets out the wrong way.

^v3He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
^v4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”
^v5Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
^v6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.

every week, there’s a message that speaks out to me. however, it’s different this week. somehow or other, this week’s sermon is touching me in a very deep and special way. it’s like a wakeup call. it’s like everything that has been happening has been leading up to this week. weird though. i don’t really feel any special or have any inkling on what is going to happen.

however, i can attest that what i have been going through… basically is something akin to me wandering around in the desert. i know my destination. it’s just the bloody direction that is making me crazy. i’m walking around in circles. i’m feeling parched. not spiritually. i mean, sure. some days, i just wish i wasn’t a believer. it’s hard to be a believer in these times. but i guess that’s the point. i am walking in my personal desert.

but God in His wisdom and infinite goodness has made provisions for me. i have been blessed so greatly that i cannot in all honesty refute His presence in my life. but i want more. i want more that what i have now. anyway, enough ranting. i know that God works for the ultimate good of His people and all things will happen in God’s own perfect time.

Lord, because You have said so, I will put down my nets. In all things, You take control. Amen.

Desert Song
by Hillsong United

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow