unfiled

happy christmas to all and to all, a good night!
- The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore

trying out something new. planning to do up an audio log or a podcast.

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just sent out my resume to two companies last night. first one was to ST Aerospace and the second one was to Worleyparsons. man. hope i get either one.

it’s official. i’ve just been screwed. literally.

just got back from my dental appointment for a long overdue dental surgery. the dentist had to take out all the old fillings and screw in two titanium micro screws. then, he had to put in new fillings. the micro screws were put in place to hold the new fillings. all in all, the surgery took 1hr 30mins and cost me $230.

now, not only is my tooth aching, so is my wallet. need a job fast.

he also told me i would need another surgery to remove a crooked tooth. there’s only one complication though. that tooth is resting on some nerve fibers. if all goes well, the nerves would be alright. but if the worst were to happen, i would lose all sensations from the lower right jaw.

estimated cost of that surgery? around $150 – $250. heh. i really really need to get a job fast. anyone has any recommendations?

under no circumstances should anyone be opening this file. it’s a virus. stupid me got it from a friend. i really thought it was a photo album. and it was only after i accepted it and opened it did i thought to question why on earth would this particular friend send me any pictures especially if it’s “photo album 2007″? i never met up with her at all this year…

anyway, if you got this from me and got your computer infected, i’m sorry. i’ll send you the fix if you message me. thanks and sorry once again!

spent my birthday sleeping. score one for me.

but then again, birthday or not, it’s still just another day anyway. no biggie. just hope next year would be spent doing something meaningful. like maybe spending my birthday in australia. hehe.

edit: anyway, was just chatting with two friends on msn. funny conversation with them both. one of them told me she envied me for sleeping on my birthday. she then complained she spent her birthday at work. i replied saying at least she spent her birthday in the company of other people even if it is at work. me on the other hand spent my birthday alone in bed. if i spent my birthday in bed with a pretty gal it would at least still have been great…

and when i recounted this to another friend, he stated thus:

friend: 1 girl in bed where got enuff
me: WAH!
friend: minimum 2 la

hahaha!

so… today’s my 26th. heh. what can i say? it’s only 12 noon and i just got back from Cass’. spent the night there with the rest of the guys playing magic. and apart from that, i guess this year would be an uneventful one. not that i’m complaining or anything. i’m seriously jaded. i’m numb to a certain extent that i’m just content with how things are.

or am i? i don’t know. i do know i’d love to get attached. i’d love to have her. seriously. but then of course these things don’t happen to me. heh. no harm in dreaming though. oh wells. the post’s becoming slightly emo. i’m going to bed now. slept only at around 5 or 6am this morning. been sleeping at that ungodly hour for the past few days due to the bloody project. i’m glad it’s going to end soon.

heh. ‘broke up’ with my project groups today. on paper we’re still a group but grades will be awarded individually. that’s good because i’ve been doing almost 75% of the project. with regards to hardware, i have to agree that they did contribute but it’s a case of too little, too late. F’s receiver is not even half done. until now, she’s still stuck at the transformer portion. as for K… i don’t give a shit.

he didn’t turn up again today. so i tried calling him and all that but he didn’t return call at all. finally managed to get hold of him only a 7pm. guess what did he say? he said he went out with his friends. when i pressed him on which is more important, he did grudgingly agree that the project was more important than that little outing. so when i asked why did he still not come in the end, he said this:”because i didn’t feel like coming.”

okay. thanks. that made me feel better. because in the afternoon, i complained to my supervisors. i said that it wasn’t fair that i’m the idiot who’s doing the presentation slides and the web site when the two of them couldn’t be bothered to come at all and then i have to share the marks. so my lecturer said that in that case, we’ll do the presentation and the web site separately.

heh. since i’m also now currently doing my own receiver in addition to the transmitter module that i’ve already finished, i don’t need the other two’s receiver anymore. in any case, i can’t possibly wait for theirs to finish. they’re taking so bloody long with their stuffs.

just 2 more days as of this writing before i celebrate my 26th. heh. time flies so fast huh? i can’t remember how i celebrated my 25th. i can’t remember if i enjoyed it or if that day sucked. this 26th though… heh. i don’t know. deadlines for projects are right around the corner. not too sure if i’ll be able to truly enjoy myself in light of that.

heard from lotte that her dad’s friend is looking for electrical engineers. hopefully i would be shortlisted. although chances of that seem to be low as i’m only graduating end august. even so… no bloody confidence in myself. anyway, that seems to be the hallmark of my life. no bloody confidence in myself at all.

so to sum things up, i’m soon to be 26, still have got no money, no job and not much of a love life. not that i’m complaining although to have one of those 3 would be great. still, life’s pretty fun. i mean, if you ignore all those details, the fact that i’m alive, have friends and also have almost everything i need.¹ i’m content.

1. note: i have almost everything i need. things i want are a different story though.[↩]

heh. learnt to play ‘You And Me’, ‘Wherever You Will Go’ and also ‘Last Kiss’ today on the guitar. nice songs. heh. can’t sing though.

transformers is good. it’s so unbelievably good. it’s like my childhood toys came alive! haha! loved it and i plan to watch it yet again. it’s that good. watched with the guild. who else to watch with who can appreciate these kinds of shows anyway? haha! now on to magic stuffs.

finally managed to buy myself a playset of quick slivers and also two wild pairs. thanks Rin! now only thing left is to fine tune my slivers so that they can come out much much faster than before. heh.

finally managed to buy the ‘Slivers Evolution’ deck. been trying to make a slivers deck for a bloody long time. hehehe. now i need to modify this just a little bit. heh. played ‘two-headed dragon’ earlier with my brothers and my cousin. me and my cousin against my brothers. our team won of course. my cousin was countering like no one’s business while my slivers just grew and grew.

lovely.

over the past 2 months, i’ve moved webhosts. in april, i moved to dreamhost from a local webhoster. less than 2 months after changing to dreamhost, i’m sad to say i have moved yet again. for the past few days, this site was inaccessible. that’s because i’ve gotten my account at dreamhost closed due to my keeping some ‘questionable’ files over there.

heh. no porn, mind you. all there was were some of my music collections. i stored it up there because i’m running out of disk space and maybe a couple or so of cracked softwares. and wham! i received an email from dreamhost a couple of days ago giving me notice that they’re closing my account.

so there you have it. i’ve since moved on to hostnine.

anyway, posts from april until now are all gone for good. my project logs, my recipes and all that. all gone. heh. although i’m glad i did managed to find some posts from before so things aren’t that bad afterall.

like the title says, my new domain is soliloquy. heh. once i’ve set up everything over there, i’ll be moving this blog over. or at least start afresh there or something. this wordplay wasn’t supposed to be a personal blog… when i first started out this blog, i knew it was something to showcase my ‘literary genius’. or something like that anyway. turned out to be some sort of ranting ground, photolog and lyrics page. it’s getting complicated.

just bought a new domain and got myself hosted with dreamhost. i’ll put up the new info as soon as i’ve done all necessary stuffs. i’ll still be keeping i-c of course since i’ve just renewed it.

so… i went out with Felicia and Kun Zhen to SLS. walked around a little bit to find some components for our DP. unable to find any thing though. getting rather disappointed about how the DP is going. oh wells. anyway, after that, went on to meet Charlotte and her friend Emily over at Orchard.

let’s just say i’m way out of my environment. i haven’t gone out in a long time and i don’t really know where to go. and i realise that heh. i’m totally a fish out of water. the two of them were talking about this restaurant or that restaurant and all i can think of was “urrm… i only know KFC or Burger King….”

heh. real sua ku¹ huh?

heh. and cause of all the walking around i did today with not even a drink, i was “dehydrated” when i got home. i was so thirsty i drank like several cans of 100plus. heh. although on hindsight, i should have drank plain water. ohwells. Good Friday’s this friday. should i go to church?

1. mountain tortoise[↩]

Kun Zheng and Felicia in SIM posing with this cool dustbin we saw.

got back yesterday from my ICT and boy… do i miss my room. for one thing, ventilation in the dormitory sucked. there were only 4 standing fans and although there were 8 wall fans, they were all blocked by the double decker beds. the food sucked too. for all the tax payers’ money, it seemed that food for the reservists wasn’t factored into the budget.

i got a platoon commander who’s strictly “by the book” and i’ve got a section commander who’s essentially nothing but the platoon commander’s ‘yes man’. on the whole, everything about this ICT sucked. although to be fair, the friends i’ve made over there made things better. every night, in lieu of our night snack, we’d order from MacDonald’s. by right, we needn’t have spent money ordering as the food should be sufficient. however, due to some inconsiderate bastards, if we didn’t order, we’d go hungry throughout the night.

instead of taking only 1 each of the night snacks, the bastards took 3 each. there’s 38 men in the platoon and there’s 40 pieces of buns. if even 2 or 3 bastards were to take 3 each, a lot of us would go hungry. but it’s not just 2 or 3. it’s almost all the non-chinese. their behaviour was totally unexpected.¹ they acted like 14 – 15 year old kids instead of the 20 – 30 year old adults.

oh wells. that’s enough ranting for now. i’ll post more on this subject some other time.

1. actually i take it back. i already expected it[↩]

been quite a while since my last post. nothing much to write these days. it’s the same old. anyways, just finished helping my dad to paint the whole house. back breaking work since it’s just the two of us carrying and moving every single bit of furniture around the house. so now that that’s done, i’m kind of free. till monday of course. from march 12th to march 19th, i’ll be back in camp for my ICT.

and from news i’ve heard regarding school projects, my project starts on march 19th. little bit of problem there isn’t it? not too sure what i can do about it though apart from calling up the school to let them know i won’t be coming in on the 19th or asking¹ SCDF to release me early from ICT so that i can get to school.

trying my hand at tab reading. the very first song i’m learning from tabs is the song “Disenchanted” by ‘My Chemical Romance’. going okay so far though i do have some problems with the fingerings. it’s a nice song by the way.

alright. i probably won’t be updating for another week or so so… stay alive peeps!

1. read: begging[↩]

snapped these two pictures yesterday right outside Compass Point at the taxi stand.

damn. it’s been a while since i’ve actually partied with someone of the same level to quest. but yesterday was so damn fucking fun. helped/quested with Kilare (aka Dave) for quite a while last night. at least 7 – 8 hours worth of quests and stuff. between the two of us, we both got each other up a level in about 3 hours.

he being a mage and me on my shaman. unstoppable. well almost. haha! i remember the few tense moments we’ve had running away from fel reavers. and not to mention fighting and killing alliance players. hahaha! i still remember that gnome warrior named Twily who blew us both a kiss after killing us. although to be fair, that gnome ganked us.

and we killed him. four or five times. oh man… good times.

oh and to those playing WoW… how do you guys feel about elemental shamans vs. enhancement shamans? i find enhancement shamans a disappointment. i’ve always leveled my shaman down the enhancement tree while leveling from one to sixty. however, after the expansion, in the outlands, the mobs just have have too much hp.

i would finish a fight with a same level mob with myself at almost 30% health left. that is just not good. maybe i’m playing it wrong since i had respecced to restoration when i was sixty to help in the raids. but oh wells. elemental shaman is just too bloody godly now. imagine this fight sequence. i’d throw a lightning bolt and it will crit for around 1250dmg and my next lightning bolt suddenly procced lightning overload and immediately, another lightning bolt will shoot for free mana. and imagine if both lightning bolts crit as well. that’s like three freaking crits for a total of 3000+ damage. if the mob isn’t dead yet, one whack of my staff imbued with frostbrand weapon is enough.

heh. and that huge bulk of damage is thrown from range. wow huh? although of course a mage will do the most pure magic dps but such huge dps and survivability? heh. i’m back to loving my shaman once again.

i’m a guy who studies electrical engineering. i’m no geek… but then, i’m no jock either. to some friends, i’m nerdy. to some others… well. i don’t want to go into that.

so anyway, i didn’t have any special someone to spend valentine’s day with. and i don’t really give a shit about it. it’s just another lousy day. i had my final exam paper on valentine’s day and to be honest, passing that paper was foremost on my mind instead of a date. so yeah.

anyway, since i’m an EE student and i haven’t been dating for almost 3 years, i’m totally clueless about relationships. so here’s where this guy comes into the picture.

Benjamin’s dad gave him a piece of advice and you know what? i fully understand it!

just a final paper to go and i’m free! free from more academic nonsense anyway. next sem (hopefully), i’ll be free to do my FYP. i have alot of ideas in my head and all that… but i just don’t know how to make them come out from my head and on to paper. the minute i start to get a pen and paper to list out stuffs, i’d start writing an essay about WoW.

anyway, my last paper falls on Valentine’s Day and i end at 4pm. since i’ve got nothing on, i should be heading straight home and logging ingame. or maybe this year i could take over Jem’s project and head on down to town and snap photos of stuffs.

for the past few days, the song “Rainin’ You” has been on repeat on my iTunes. kind of brings back memories. and yes, the rain brings back memories of you. although there’s really nothing to it. it’s just memories. it’s not you. no matter how much i would love to, i know it’s impossible for us.

just as well. you’re attached. me? i’m still single. not for want of trying though. just that the person whom i’m attracted to after you, just doesn’t feel the same way. but it’s alright. i’ve resolved my feelings for her. the same way i’ve resolved my feelings for you.

the love is still there of course. but well, a chapter closed. there’s always a place in my heart for you. even if i may no longer have a place in yours. heh. what can i say? i’m emo? hell i guess i am. but then again, the world will be a colder place if there’s no one to feel huh? although i do know feeling too much and thinking too much ain’t good.

If I had my way
It would do this every day
I would never see the sun
Because the closest I get
To holding you again
Is every time that sky opens up
– Brad Paisley, Rainin’ You

Jem has just introduced this software to me. looks good. although after trying it out… i’m finding that the interface is just… i don’t know. maybe i’ll get used to it in time.

updates: i don’t like the editor. i don’t know how to explain but i don’t like it. it sucks. but overall, the program is good. i just don’t like the feel of the editor.

was just looking through my NDM notes and i realised that if my lecturer had given me this same set of tutorials last sem, i would have cleared through that module in no time. anyway, now that i’ve got this set of tutorials, i’d better make the best of it and get at least a B for this module.

so from today and tomorrow, i’ll be focusing on NDM and thursday and friday will be spent on DCS. wish me luck for the exams.

was surfing around the ‘net last night when i found a way to see whether or not someone from your msn contacts list has deleted you from their list.

firstly, go to tools, and then get to the options.

next, go to privacy and then right-click on the names. if you find the ‘delete’ enabled, that person has deleted you from their list. go ahead and delete them back yah?

how do you know if you’re still ‘in love’ with someone? when some or most of your passwords are still in combinations of her name and yours plus her birthdate and yours. or something like that. or if your ’secret’ question and answers are something to do with her. heh.

oh and my deferment was a success. instead of having to go for my ICT on 22nd Jan, it’s been defered till 12th Mar. heh. i only hope my disruption would be successful.

i started WoW again on saturday night. couldn’t take it any longer. it’s been a month since i’ve touched WoW and man is it ever good to be back ingame. heh. but yeaps. i’m mindful of the fact that my exams are around the corner so i won’t be getting back ingame from tomorrow onwards. i hope. haha!

but seriously, i cannot afford to spend so much time in WoW. i desperately need to clear all my modules this semester. afte this semester, i’ll be free! after this semester, next semester will be a piece of cake. project work is not as hectic as academic modules.

Hold Me Close
by John Poon

I’m grasping on tightly
To the love I’ve had before
I’m holding on closely
Like the river hugs the shore

And then I woke up
From this dream
And I find everything
Are not what they seem

So come on come on
Hold me close, don’t let me go
My girl, don’t leave me cold
So come on come on
Hold me tight, don’t let me fall
My girl, you are my all

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just another one of my ‘demos’.

oh hell. i thought my exams starts on Feb 12. shit.

Feb 9 – NDM
Feb 10 – DCS
Feb 14 – PDP

hah! my papers end on Vday. i guess it’s a “date” with PDP huh? fuck. of all Vdays, this must have been the worst i’d ever be having. previously, Vdays would just be spent alone at home. this year? it’s not only going to be spent alone… it’s also going to be spent taking an exam paper. fuck me.

heh. David just asked me if i’d like to work with him for our final project. our current project ideas includes using brainwaves to “type” words, thus allowing mutes to be able to speak. or to allow quadraplegics to type words on a screen just using their thoughts.

heh. this has interesting possibilities.

there’s alot in my mind. yet none of which i can write… i’m still waiting for my sunshine to come. heh. does it make sense?

i used to think that the opposite of love was hate. heh. now i know better. it’s indifference.

my days are blurring into each other. one minute it seems to be friday, the next minute it’s already saturday night.

i just woke up not too long ago and my first thought was “whoa. what happened to the sun?”

time flies fast. especially when you’re unconscious.

• Corporate World Meet Web2.0 on Flickr – Photo Sharing!
  (tags: logo parody photoshop web2.0 webdesign graphics humor)

iPod Video 30GB (Black/White)
Retail: $438
Selling: $390

iPod Nano 4GB (Silver/Pink)
Retail: $348
Selling: $328

a friend is selling them and i’m sort of helping to ‘clear’ stocks. please leave a comment asap if interested.

ps: all of them are brand new and still in their shrink wrap.

so near… yet so very far.
and i’m living a lie again.

heh. i do not only have an inferiority complex… increasingly, i wonder if i do not have some sort of a hero complex as well. i want people to need me. i want to be there for people. i want to help people. little wonder then that most of the time, when i make a character ingame, it’s always a character which can heal and stuffs like that.

when i was playing in acRO, i was a crusader. a healing tank much like a paladin. currently in WoW, i’ve a priest and a shaman. also healing classes. and i do love to heal. it’s fun. and with the expansion, now that the Horde can have paladins, i want to make a Bloodelven paladin. another healing class.

and in real life? i want to be a doctor. heh. failing to be a doctor, i don’t mind settling for being a paramedic. i want to save people. i want to save lives. yep. i have a hero complex alright…

what do you bring to your group of friends? or guild? or clique? it doesn’t matter. what do you bring to them?

some people i know are born jokers. they are the life of the group. they’re always making others laugh. they bring laughter to the group. some people are full of quiet joy. just by being with them, you would be happy. these people have a way of making you feel special. some others, they bring wisdom to the group. or to make it clearer, they bring leadership and direction. what about you? what do you bring to the group?

as for myself… i don’t know. i have very low self esteem yet (and this is rather contradictory…), i have a very huge ego. i want to be the life of the party. but i know deep down i don’t have what it takes. i’m too self conscious to be a party animal. i wish i can say i bring joy to people. but because of my low self esteem, i always tend to hang back and be emo. at times, i want to take charge and maybe bring direction. however, i always get shot down. it gets so that i don’t want to offer anything for fear of being ridiculed.

in other words? i don’t bring anything. i’m the fifth wheel. i want out. i don’t want to feel useless.

actually come to think of it… i do have a purpose. i exist to make others look and feel better about themselves. yep. heh.

The Burning Crusade will be released worldwide on the 16th of January 2007. that’s next tuesday. i’ve already pre-ordered my copy and the pre-order card is already with Rin. he’s going down to get it for me on tuesday since i’ve got classes till 5pm on tuesday.

so what are my thoughts? frankly? i have no idea. i have already stopped my subscription early this month as i’m not intending to pay if i cannot play due to the lag. would i play again if the lag were to be fixed? i sincerely have no idea. of course i miss playing WoW. it’s fun. but i tend to forget everything else.

heck. even if i’m not playing WoW, i’d just spend my time surfing blogs online. it’s no better. heh. but at least surfing blogs is free.

i don’t know what i’m going to do. i’m constantly putting my studies off. i actually spent only 1 hour last night studying. to think that i had the whole of friday and saturday off and i only managed to put in 1 hour of studies. that’s frightening. my exams are just around the corner and i seem to be following last sem’s mistake.

ho hum. in other news, my bittorrent upload/download ratio sucks. i’m constantly uploading stuffs at a minimum of 20kB/s yet my download speed averages only 4kB/s… a 349.37mb file took me a total of 3days to download. this sucks. it wasn’t this bad prior to the Taiwan quake…

wrote this song together with my cousin just after Christmas ‘06. decided to try and record the song today. was actually planning to record with him when he’s at my place but i kind of forgot. anyway, it’s not completed. we’ve only managed to get the words for the first 2 verses and no chorus as yet.

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next time we do the recording, i’m going to let my cousin sing. he sings way better than me. heh. i think i probably ruined the song with my singing… but hey, better to try things out at least once huh?

Rain Drops

Originally uploaded by Jeviar.

here’s one of the pictures i took. took the photo in macro mode, zoomed in and used flash. i particularly like that large raindrop near the top left corner of picture.

been trying to do just that. photographing rain. i don’t want to take photos of wet car, wet pathways and stuffs like that. i want to take photos of the rain. those beautiful raindrops… anyway, haven’t been able to do it quite right yet but i think i do have one ‘nice’ photo i took earlier. it’s still not good enough though. i’m going to have to try and experiment more. i’ll post the photos up in a while.

Lion of Judah

Originally uploaded by Jeviar.

posting this blog entry using flickr.

interesting huh? i didn’t realised i could blog about a photo from flickr. now that i know… wooo. actually, what i knew was that Flickr and Vox are integrated rather seamlessly. i knew i could blog on Vox and then grab photos from Flickr but it was only just that i found out i could blog from Flickr direct to my wordpress blog.

nifty. i like!

anyway, the poster reads “Warriors Triumphant!” and the text below it says:

For in Christ all the fullness of the Diety lives in bodily form and you have been given that fullness of the Diety in Christ who is head over every angelic power and authority. And having disarmed the powers and the authorities, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the Cross.

Behold, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah has Triumphed!

Colossians 2:9,10,15
Revelation 5:5

this is what happens when you play too much games:

me: 6pm? where ah?
friend: douby ghaut :X
friend: we going to that kopitiam we always going near PS2
friend: PS!
friend: DOH
me: …
me: LOL!
me: oh man…
friend: -_____-;;;;
me: hehehe.
friend: QQ lah
friend: omg ps2

hehe. but i guess this isn’t as bad as the time i went to the hairdresser.

me: how much?
hairdresser: 16.
me: huh? 16g?
hairdresser: 16g?
me: i mean, “oh. 16 dollars.” here. thanks.

hehe.

dreadful weather. it’s cold and wet. actually it would be lovely if i have someone to hug close. but oh wells.

– the lamp that toppled the other day due to the heavy downpour.

– i like how the white light’s reflections appear bluish…

took the pics while walking back from the bus stop. would have made my day if i had someone walking beside me, holding my hand in hers… the weather seems perfect for it. hehe.

a feature of the iPhone that intrigues me is the visual voicemail. the current implementation of voicemail requires a user to listen through all the options just to find 1 voicemail. it’s clunky and it isn’t user friendly. heck. it got so that whenever i receive a voicemail, instead of listening to the voicemail, i’d just return call to the person directly. saves time and trouble. so what has that got to do with the iPhone’s visual voicemail? well, what the name says. your voicemails are displayed visually on screen and if you wanna hear whichever one, you’d just need to press the icon. think of it as “voicemail podcast”. convenient huh?

next, sms. unlike current inboxes where you see the messages individually with no link/context, in the iPhone, smses are laid out in threads and sorted by recipients. much like how gmail arranges/sorts emails into conversation threads. no surprise there since Apple and Google are partners in this.

there’s more i’d like to go into however, i believe other sites have more than expounded/analysed the iPhone and what it could/would mean for the future. here’s a few links:

• David Pogue: hands on time with the iPhone
• Gizmodo: I called my mommy
• Initial analysis on the apple iPhone
• Apple’s new calling

anyway, i kind of rambled on earlier. i did say earlier that i’m interested in the visual voicemail. actually, i had already cancelled my voicemail on my current mobile plan because i never really use it. but one thing i’d like to know is how does it translate over to Singapore’s telco. from what i’ve gathered, the visual voicemail only works because of the partnership Apple has with Cingular. according to this article, Cingular had to re-engineer it’s infrastucture to accomodate the iPhone’s unique voicemail system. i’m not too sure any of the 3 telcoms in Singapore would be willing to re-engineer their voicemail infrastructure just for the iPhone. so if they don’t and the visual voicemail don’t work in Singapore, would the iPhone users here in SG be paying for a ‘broken’ product?

no idea why i’m thinking so far ahead when the asian release would be in 2008 but there will always be the early adopters who would like to try and buy import sets… meh.

i want the iPhone.

“An iPod, a phone, an internet mobile communicator. An iPod, a phone, an internet mobile communicator…. these are NOT three separate devices!”
“And we are calling it iPhone!”
— Steve Jobs

get the scoop here!

updates: according to Steve Jobs, iPhone will be available in Asia by 2008. not too sure how true it is. may be earlier or it could take longer. but bottomline? to be able to use the iPhone to it’s full functionality, Singtel, M1 and Starhub better fucking buck up. Singapore’s telcom infrastructure is just so-so. it’s not too shabby but it sure could do with alot of improvement. moreover, 3G would be moot by then since iPhone is a quad band GSM + EDGE phone… 3G network is all good and dandy but the iPhone is quad band GSM¹ and EDGE. although it’s a 2G phone, it’s inbuilt wifi and the new Wireless@SG will make it much more than just 3G.

personally speaking, although my N73 is a 3G phone and my SIM card is 3G enabled, i don’t really use the 3G stuffs except for the occasional video calls. i’d much rather have wifi as with the Wireless@SG initiative, i can surf the ‘net for free.

heh. i really should have waited for N80.

1. 850, 900, 1800, 1900[↩]

You need RM2,000 for a normal relationship with a girl. That’s 200 blowjobs in Bangkok. Are you getting 200 blowjobs a month from your girlfriend? Nuff said.

heh. from here via SARA.

that post made me laugh. how true too in a sense. note that i’m not saying it’s the right thing to do but sometimes, we guys actually are on the ‘losing’ end. we act like fools for the gals, we carry their shopping bags… heck. we’re willing¹ to throw down our dignity just for the gals’ ego and what do we get? we get thrown away once the gal has found someone new.

maybe it’s just me being bitter. wait. actually i am being bitter. but yeah. on hindsight, better to pick up the flower first since someone else is going to pick the flower anyway.

like the chinese saying, “??????????????”

1. some of us anyway[↩]

wells. as it has been raining heavily over the past few weeks, i haven’t actually ventured out of the house much except to go for the chalet and hang out with the guild. i’m also not one who’s very observant unless it’s because of the opposite sex. that said, something caught my eye on the way home from school today.

look at this lamp. the heavy rainfall actually weakened the soil around its base so much that it toppled. heh.

photo shot using my N73. the quality of the shot is comparable to my digicam. but then again, i always make it a point to resize all the pictures taken to 320 x 240, hence the picture quality appearing much sharper.

heh. i’ve said it before. i shall say it again. i do not trust people. there’s only 1 person i trust. me. and actually, i don’t even trust myself all that much too. i don’t open to people and yet when i actually do, i get ridiculed. well fuck you.

what’s wrong with keeping things compartmentalised? what’s wrong with having several different personas?

just because you know me for more than 2 years doesn’t mean you know me well. it doesn’t mean that just because i act one way in front of you, it necessarily means i’m actually that way. just because i post stuffs up here means you know everything. yeah i do share quite alot of stuffs here in my blog. so fucking what? does it mean you know everything?

this post is dedicated to my sister.

she was born and died on this day, 8th of January. she’d be 24 or 25 today if she was alive. according to my mum, my sis’ cause of death was IRDS.

she was alive only for 9 hours.

heh. i can’t say i miss her. heck! i didn’t even know her. i was only a year or two at the time she was born. i don’t know how my parents feel even now. all i can offer is a prayer i guess. i don’t know…

fried chicken for dinner earlier. been awhile since i’ve last posted pics of my cooking escapades. so just to whet a few appetites (hopefully), here goes:

took these on the bus the other day. it was raining heavily and i overslept all the way to hougang interchange.

i wrote about this before. well. i honestly thought it was just me. or just the ones i know. but take a look here and be surprised. or not. i don’t know. has the standards of education over there dropped or something?

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poems.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, “I love you”, mean it.
5. When you say, “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R’s:
• Respect for self,
• Respect for others,
• Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a partner you love to talk to. As you get older, the conversational skill will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
25. Silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books, watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is important.
30. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
31. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
32. Read between the lines.
33. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
34. Be gentle with the earth.
35. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.
36. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
37. Mind your own business.
38. Close the eyes when you get a kiss.
39. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
40. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction.
41. Not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
42. Learn the rules, then break some.
43. In a good relationship is the love for each other greater than the need for each other.
44. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
45. Your character is your destiny.
46. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

taken from here.

Wish I Could
by John Poon

Intro: G, D, C

G D C
Wish I could turn back time
G D C
and take back what I said
G D C
Wish I could turn back time
G D C
and just love you from afar

G Bm
Here I am, thinking of that night
C D
Where I told you I love you
G Bm
Here I am, thinking for one moment
C D
I should have just kept it closed inside

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just something i recorded earlier. heh. could use lots of polishing though.

now, i seldom plug a blog/post here unless it’s super interesting or it’s something i’d like to share. so here’s one of my super rare plugs. actually i think it’s not that super rare since this is the second plug i’m making today.

an excerpt:

A girl will start a blog if she thinks she is pretty.

Then she will put many many many picture of herself on the blog. I am not insinuating that these think-they-are-pretty girls have nothing of worth to say. They have probably, however, done a cost-benefit analysis: if I have to type something, it will require effort, and time, and creativity. But if I put a picture of myself up, the process is relatively instantaneous, AND at the same time I can get external validation of my physical appearance!

So in the interests of minimum effort, maximum results, these think-they-are-pretty girls put up photos of themselves.

found this via Tomorrow.sg

been trying to find Jake Coco’s CD everywhere but the only place i can find it for sale is on CD Baby. the thing is the CD costs $USD 13.97 which after conversion is about $SGD 21.50 which i think is pretty reasonable. however, the shipment costs $USD 7 which is like $10.70 and when you add it up, it gets to be around $SGD 32 which is way too much.

was planning on buying it on iTunes Music Store but i couldn’t because it isn’t available here in singapore. heh. i found a site which sells the whole album for only $USD 7.77 but it’s a “downloads only” version. let’s see. i pay $USD 7.77 and what if while downloading it halfway, my ‘net crashes? or what if i finished downloading it but my computer crashes? gone.

at least if i’ve the CD, i can rip it out to my iPod and keep the CD in a safe place.

heh. still struggling with whether or not i should just bite the bullet and pay the $SGD 32 for that album… man. this sucks. i want the album but i just cannot justify paying so much for it.

it’s a pity that Singapore doesn’t have iTunes Music Store. wanted to start buying songs off iTunes last night when i was told that Singapore doesn’t have it yet and thus, i’m not able to purchase music off iTunes. dumb yah? i mean, why am i not able to purchase music? isn’t it a simple case of just submitting credit card information and downloading the song off iTunes? why do i need to have the iTunes Music Store in Singapore.

oh wells. i want that cd from Jake Coco and i don’t think it’s being sold in HMV Singapore. or any other music store in Singapore actually…

just looked through my archives and i realised this blog has been around for 2 years already. wow. most of my blogs never survive past 6 months. this is an achievement i’d say. anyway, i used to have synchronology.org as my domain. for my blogs, i had broken.synchronology.org, forsaken.inferior-complexity.org, lost.inferior-complexity.org, ostracised.inferior-complexity.org and a myriad of other blogs in wordpress.com and blogspot.com.

took down all subdomains and finally settled on this. wordplay. why wordplay? play on words? in a sense. everything i write down may seem to mean one thing when infact, it may mean another.

and that’s why one of my pet peeves is when people i know in real life reads my blog and bring it up in real life instead of leaving comments in the blog itself. look, i don’t mind sharing some stuffs here on my blog. however, whatever is on the blog stays on the blog. if i ever have the urge to bring up what’s written on the blog, i will do so. i don’t need you to do it for me.

ps: my blog’s birthday falls on 15th January.

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.”
— Kahlil Gibran

“To give and not expect return, that is what lies at the heart of love.”
— Oscar Wilde

“Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.”
— Bertrand Russell

maybe this 3 quotes would sum up my feelings for her and of everything that has happened.

“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
— C.S. Lewis

was thinking and thinking earlier and something just clicked. “to love someone means knowing when to let go as well as when to hold on. letting go may seem to be the harder when your only choice is to let go or press on. however, when you hold on too tight, you’re liable to stifle whatever affection is left. and in the end, while letting go may actually bring you closer to her, holding on will just drive her further away.” i have to let go and let God. even though it may seem to be useless, there’s nothing else that’s a better alternative to just letting God handle disappointments.

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.”
— Mother Teresa

i’ve just cancelled my WoW subscription. my account expires in roughly a couple of hours. maybe it’s because of what just happened. i would be lying if i said it’s not partly because of that. but there are other reasons. studies is one of them. my guitar is another. whenever i try to play guitar, i cringe inside because of how sucky i am. i want to get better and to do that, i need to practise. i cannot study and practise and play wow as well.

unlike what happened last time, i’m no longer going to close my blog. who am i fooling? i have to grow up. stand up and move on. although like what i said to her, sometimes, i don’t want to move on. staying in the dark is much better than to stand up to reality because the truth hurts. however, there’s no going back. i have already gotten the answer.

strangely, it doesn’t hurt this time. or maybe i’m lying to myself again. i don’t know. i honestly don’t know. i do feel a little bit more colder inside though. a little bit more hollow. a bit more empty.

but then again, when your hope is taken away, where does that leave you? cheerful still? heh. yet another question remains though. as i’ve said. there’s loads of questions. but here’s a more “pressing” one. i’ve yet to give her the christmas present. i kept forgetting to pass it to her. what do i do with it? it’s a funny question because i know i would still give it to her anyway. but… am i a fool for wanting to do so? am i just a sucker for punishment that i’m willing to try and ask her out to pass it to her knowing that she’ll say no?

questions and more questions. at least i have an answer for one.

ho hum.

Q: so… there’s absolutely no chance huh?
A: sorry to say… i guess not.

and that’s the final nail on the coffin.

anyway. here’s just a few other posts. hehe. so this makes it the 6th post huh?

how does one go about ‘chasing a girl’? honestly speaking, i’m at a loss. i admit it’s been quite a while since i’ve actually dated anyone. but it’s weird. even with my ex, we both agreed that i’ve never really “gone after her”. and in all my other relationships prior to that last one, i’ve never so much as “gone after” any one.

and then after my last relationship, i sort of just let go. for the past year and a half though, i’ve been harbouring ‘crushes’. but that’s all they are. but there’s a special someone. heh. and she knows i have feelings for her.

but that’s the prob i guess. so what if she knows i have feelings for her? what will make me stand out? it’s not like she’s a stranger. we have known each other for more than 2 years already. i guess that’s part of the problem too huh? i’m much too familiar to be more than a friend.

seriously, by this time, i have more than enough advice¹ from friends telling me to give up. but advice is one thing. feeling is another. head knowledge tells me to follow the advice and give up. my heart tells me to go ahead. moreover, didn’t those love stories and stuffs always say that determination and sincerity will win a girl over? if i’m going to give up just because the girl says “no”, where would i be?

yet, if i were to press on, i would actually irritate/annoy the hell out of the girl. so where does this leave me?

some other people i know tell me to “let go. let God.” but then, i fail to actually see where God fits in this picture. God doesn’t meddle with free will. so where does God comes in? what i do know is if a couple were to obey God in everything they do and place God first in everything, they will both prosper and their relationship with God and with each other will be fruitful.

but so what? that advice is more for people who are believers and who’s attached. where does that leave me? it still doesn’t answer my question.

1. both directly and indirectly[↩]

the only time where we could actually gather almost everyone together — our “traditional” drinking session.

just got back home. went out earlier to meet the guys for a farewell dinner with Junejune before she goes back to malaysia. dinner was nice. actually, now that i think about it, i don’t know what’s the name of the place we went. after parting ways with Junejune at Cityhall MRT, the rest of us went on to New York, New York Restaurant and Bar.

heh. a can of coke costs $5 there. for that price, i could have bought 2 1.5 litre bottle of coke at a 7-11 near my home. and that’s just what i did when i got back. man. i’m never going to order coke from that place again. bleh.

got back home late last night from the chalet. reached home an hour before the new year actually. had to rush back home to cook the “new year dinner/breakfast”. it’s a family tradition since forever. haha. every year, at christmas and at the new year, at the stroke of midnight, we’d all gather round and say a prayer over the meal and over the whole family and eat. i’ve actually never missed this tradition before except when i was serving my NS when once I was on duty.

anyway, i wanted so much to stay on at the chalet. haha. even last year’s new year eve celeb, although was spent at Cass’ place with the guild, i had to rush back home too. booo. but yeah. good to have a family tradition to fall back on right? anyway, loads of things happened during the chalet.

actually it was more of a revelation to me. i don’t know how to explain it. i’ll try to expound on it more when i’m more sober. still suffering from hangover actually.

i’ve been with the guild for 3 years now i think. 5 chalets and numerous gatherings. 2 chalets every year and it being the 5th chalet adds up to this being the 3rd year yah? hehe. anyway, Kherryx and his girlfriend came over from Shanghai just to say hi. Tanelorn and Anguah made it down too. Junejune came down all the way from KL even though she hasn’t met us before.¹

Shawn, Fai, Vincent… goodness. you know how i felt when i saw them? it’s like a family reunion. long time no see and all that stuffs. never really talked to Weiloong much other than game stuffs and lately… talked much more. Astley… he’s grown up and matured alot. been corrupted by us alot too i think. haha! i mean it’s just all crazy. all surreal.

who’d have guessed we met each other in a game and in a way ‘grew’ up together? Erica’s now “more” open in that although she’s often the quiet one, she’d still make an effort to come for the chalets. i don’t think she’d ever missed one? Yuki too in a way. it’s a wonder. the guild is a wonder. and i do know i made a few posts about wanting to leave at some points or other. i’ve also written recently about feeling left out at times too.

but no matter what, the guild was there for me when otheres weren’t. heh. an epiphany of sorts.

and after talking with Weiloong on saturday night, hmmm. i’ve realised one thing. ‘Who Dares Wins’. in everything.

1. i think it’s also her first time in singapore?[↩]

despite my misgivings about tomorrow… i’ll still be going for the chalet. it’s too late to back out now.

think i’ll play my standard ASAP ploy. hehe. i don’t know. i do know i don’t really have the mood nor the inclination to meet people. i’d rather be alone with my guitar actually. ho hum.

i don’t feel like going for the chalet anymore. i don’t know. i mean… argh. just having second thoughts about it. i’m actually disappointed. oh wells. nvm…

Merry Christmas all!

just bought a capo. set me back by $38 man… anyways, reworked this song.

still as crappy as ever though. but hopefully there’s improvements.

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heh. it’s almost the end of the year. time to recap? well… there are a few events last year around this date which hurt alot. and i’m suddenly feeling all shitty again. and i don’t feel like going already. even though i’ve made plans for it, i suddenly have no interest.

Last Christmas
by Wham!

Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me?
Well, it’s been a year
It doesn’t surprise me (Happy Christmas)
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying “I love you”
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again

Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away (you gave it away)
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special (special)

A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you
And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were
Someone to rely on. Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I’ve found a real love you’ll never fool me again

Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away (you gave it away)
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away (you gave it away)
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special (special)

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart (gave you my heart)
A man under cover buy you tore him apart
Maybe next year I’ll give it to someone
I’ll give it to someone special

loved that song by Pachelbel. anyway, here’s my hand at trying to play it. it sucks though. but as they say, “practise makes perfect” right?

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here’s the chords in D:

D A Bm F#m G D G A

here’s the chords in C:

C G Am Em F C F G

if i had a dollar for everytime i thought of dying/killing myself… i’d be fucking rich by now.

and also very dead. heh.

wells. just got back home from Pei Hwa Secondary School. went down there early in the morning to accompany my youngest brother for his secondary 1 registration. nice school. although it’s a little bit on the ulu side. there’s no direct buses from my place to get there and the whole place seems just so… new. the school is only 3 years old. heh.

anyway, i feel like ranting. i hate being the eldest. i don’t know why but i can’t take the responsibility of being the eldest. it’s like everything falls on my shoulders. i know i shouldn’t rant about it. i should be greatful that i’ve got this “responsibility/opportunity” blah blah but sometimes, i just want to be more carefree. not like i’m not already carefree…

i don’t know. i just don’t really like where i am now. everything. relationships¹ and everything else. actually i guess it’s just my love life that’s giving me problems. i don’t know where i am.

bah. i’m rambling. anyway, i seem to be very fascinated in death. my death to be exact. i don’t know if it’s good or bad. okay actually it is bad. i always wonder if things would be better if i am dead. heh. really. although of course i don’t intend to kill myself by jumping off MRT tracks or off buildings. i have a fear of height. hehe. but really. i often wish i am dead.

heh. do i have suicidal tendencies? well… not exactly. oh i don’t know. all i can honestly say for now that i do have thoughts of suicide. it’s not an “oh my life feels so miserable now i should go kill myself” kind of thing. it’s more of curiousity. i think? argh i don’t know where i am going with this.

1. or the lack of one actually[↩]

this is a works in progress. it’s totally just rubbish actually. i think. but it’s good to record it and maybe use it for another composition or something. since i was reworking ‘Rain Please Go’ earlier, i thought might as well just jam it up a little bit and see what ideas i can get. this is just a sample of the stuffs i can come up with while under the influence of coke.

a word of warning though. if you treasure your sanity and hearing and all that stuffs, don’t hit the play button.

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Rain, rain please go, please go away
Pain, pain please go, I don’t want you to stay
Love, love has gone, and I’m in pieces once again
And now I have to pick myself up once more

just scribbling random words and playing a C major progression and decided to record it for fun. inspired in part by the recent heavy downpours. i hate rainy days. i don’t mind the rain. it’s just that it makes me depressed. argh. anyway. here’s the short clip.

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man. just had a video call with Jem. we’re like total geeks or something. i mean… wow. video calls is so damn fun man. new toys. hahaha! that bugger just got his new dopod and had no one to video call with. and when i got my phone… weee! now i better check how much we just spent on that minute long video call.

man…

totally geek moment.

using my mobile to blog now. hope it works.

i’ve just set up my Flickr Mobile service. that means i can take photos on the go and upload it straight to Flickr. one caveat. i can only do so using my phone. that means pictures taken with my far better digicam still has to be uploaded via the traditional way through my computer. but it’s okay. i have ideas on what kinds of photos my phone cam will take. oh and sorry to disappoint. it’s not going to be one of those upskirt/downblouse pics. hehe.

my SIM cards finally been activated and i’m now contactable by phone once again. silly me though. i didn’t realise all my contacts were kept in my old phone. when the sales lady attending to me that day offered to help me transfer my contacts off my old SIM card to my new one, i forgot that little fact.

so when my new card was handed to me, there was in fact nothing in there at all. and while i spent the past few days wondering where my contacts went, they were all along in my old phone. oh wells. anyhow, i’ve managed to transfer them back in using the Nokia PC Suite.

although here’s where the “interesting” bit came in. i had a problem recognising MOST of the contacts. i was like “Aaron? hrmmm. which Aaron? oh wells. delete!” and then “Brian? oh my gosh i had a friend named Brian? since when? delete!”

i actually still in the midst of weeding out all these contacts. i mean, really. just like my msn contact list, alot of the contacts i have on my phone are someone i just say ‘hi’ to on the streets were i to bump into them and not someone i’d actually call. ho hum. it’s like spring cleaning on my phone and msn.

and on looking back, i used to have lots of girls to ask out. but then i realised that i kind of lost touch with them and even if i still have their contact numbers, it’s not likely they’ll remember who i am. so out with all those too. wheee~ all that’s left now is really a few people. sigh. hahaha!

can’t believe it. all those years of phone numbers reduced in an instant. my ‘circle of friends’ just shrank visibly.

heh. it’s sad. i see a friend come on msn and after the initial exchange of “hi!” and “how are you?”, nothing else is said. it’s not that we’re both too busy to continue the conversation. it’s more of a case where we have nothing else to say to each other. we’ve grown so detached that there’s nothing else to talk about.

it’s weird. really weird. alot of my msn contacts are just like that. they come on, we exchange greetings and that’s that. nothing else. i used to have like more than 5 chat windows at one time. okay. let me clarify. “active” chat windows. i know it’s no substitute for real face to face conversations but at least it’s better than nothing right?

now? erm. my msn program was actually very close to be uninstalled. i mean come on. i don’t really need an IM program since i don’t really IM with anyone much at all these days. if it’s not for the occasional few people¹, msn would have long been uninstalled months ago.

sad huh?

1. Weishen, Cassandra, Dorothy, Rin, Sarah, Jem, Joey and a handful of others i can’t recall cause it’s really occasional…[↩]

spent the whole day out ’shopping’. window shopping actually. went to BiG superstore at HarbourFront. whoa. mad sales. and i really mean mad. there were lots of stuffs on sale and some of them were up to 90% discount. thankfully i was with my mum so i got her to fork out cash to buy me a 1GB mini sd card for my new phone.

at the same time, my mum bought 5 mp3 players, 1 digicam and 1 handphone at very low prices.

the whole scene was chaotic. much like those flea markets actually. oh wells. last minute christmas shopping i guess.

ah well. about a week and a few days more before the chalet. i’m actually having second thoughts about it. i kind of blogged about it some posts ago¹ and to tell the truth, while on the surface things seem to be pretty okay, i’m actually not. i don’t know how to explain it. and i guess i don’t want to bring it up.

anyway, a friend of mine asked me why do i love to wear multiple layers of clothings in hot sunny singapore. this is how it went.

me: “it’s psychological… i don’t feel secure without my jacket. it’s like my security blanket…”

him: “ohhh! you mean like Linus from the Peanuts comic?”

me: “kinda…”

him: “hmmm. you really have some deep problems man. you better go see a shrink. singapore is so hot and yet you wear jacket. crazy!”

so yeah. i am nuts.

1. it’s now all been locked up.[↩]

apologies to those who have been lookign for me these past 2 days. my new SIM card hasn’t been activated yet and singtel has deactivated my old one. i’ll still be using the same number though. so yeah anyway, since one SIM card hasn’t been activated and another’s just been deactivated, i shall remain uncontactable for now. uncontactable by phone that is.

singtel shop was out of N80 stocks. since i was debating whether to get N80 or N73 and the only choice at the moment seemed to be N73, that’s what i took. oh wells. here’s pretty pics.

i don’t know how everyone else does things but i’m not one who likes my handphone numbers given out just like that. in the same vein, just as i don’t like my numbers to given out freely, i also don’t give out my friends’ numbers freely. unless it’s an emergency. reason i’m posting about it is cause just a few minutes ago, someone called me asking for a friend’s number. i told her “alright. give me a minute. let me check with him if it is okay for me to give the number to you.”

she replied “hello? i’m his classmate lor.”

erm. sorry. no dice. i don’t care if you are his classmate or not. i know i will chew out anyone who gives out my number without permission. it’s just rude in my opinion for people to give out my number without letting me know about it.

just like how i would hate it for people to drag me from a channel to another channel in vent without letting me know beforehand.

anyway, how do you guys feel about it? are you guys alright with people giving your number away?

was playing with audacity and decided to record something i’ve played around with for the past 2 – 3 weeks. have the words but not intending to sing till i got everything properly done. also played around with playing lead. actually recorded the whole thing on 3 channels and then merged them together. poor quality but hey, it’s mine. i like it.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

was speaking with Jem this morning on msn. specifically about mobileMT. a couple of years ago, we were both users of MT. i changed to wordpress though. anyway, long story short, i asked about mobileMT’s development and he said it’s currently suspended. anyway, mobileMT’s only for MT users so as a wordpress user, i won’t be able to make use of it.

alright anyway, was surfing around Nokia’s site and i found this. Lifeblog. and also this. frankly, i have no idea what this means for me. i mean, i did mention to Jem that i was intending of writing a plugin for Wordpress specifically for mobile blogging. i know that there’s a couple of plugins already out but it’s just not what i want or envision.

oh wells. stay tune. maybe there’ll be a mobileWP in the future or something made by yours truly. heh.

oh and Jem also intro’ed this to me. check it out.

went to the singtel shop today and renewed my contract. sort of anyway. they’ve currently reserved for me N73 but it’s not the music edition. it’ll be a week or two before stocks arrive though and by that time, N80 internet edition would be out. the counter person told me that the N73 reservation was a “no-obligation” one and that should i wish to get another handset in lieu of that N73, i would be free to do so.

so. spoilt for choices. N80 or N73? or a better question is, what’s the difference between N80 internet edition and the normal N80? i’m actually more towards N80 as i would be using WiFi to connect wirelessly as opposed to using GPRS in N73. it’d be more costly for me to connect to the web using GPRS as i have free WiFi in school and i’m subscribed to Singnet’s Free Outdoor Wireless Surf…

but i guess ultimately, my pocket is still the deciding factor.

thinking of getting a new phone and i’m sort of spoilt for choices. N70 or N73? i briefly considered N80 but i thought it’d be a little too bulky. anyone has suggestions?

went for dinner at Chomp Chomp last night. after that, went to Ice³. man… nice ice cream.

- huge glass of longan juice i ordered at Chomp Chomp. $3…

- Big Apple @ Ice³.

the ice cream is apple and cinnamon flavoured. and for those who knows how much i love cinnamon… this is really heaven on earth. man and did i mention. one of the cashier is cute.

PDP on the 13th of Dec and DCS on the 15th of Dec.

the thing about liking someone is that once people knows about it, alot of them tend to think that things you do are because of that someone.

or maybe it’s just me thinking too much again?

in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king
– Desiderius Erasmus (1466 – 1536)

this is the second post where i am quoting this phrase. so what does it actually means? it means a man of even limited ability is at a great advantage in the company of those less able. however, like my previous post says, a one eyed man is still one eyed.

i guess what i am trying to say is that it is pointless for us to compare ourselves against those who are inferior to us when against those superior to us, we’re still inferior. or something like that. was thinking about it on the way home this afternoon. a few of my classmates were asking me to help them with some programming stuffs for their robotics class. i told them i don’t know shit and that all i know was those basic stuffs that the teacher taught them. what they said though was that since i did it and i passed and that i understand programming better than them, i am in a better position to help them.

so i guess i’m that one eyed man huh?

in a company of misfits, i may be the one that stands out. but in the company of giants?

i actually have no idea where this post is going…

in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king
– Desiderius Erasmus (1466 – 1536)

let me add on to that. even if the one eye man is king, he’s still only one eyed.

i really would like to tell you how i feel. even though you may already know it by now, i wonder if all you take it is as a joke that’s been going on far too long. no i’m not content for things to just be this way. i want more. i want to hold your hand, take you out for dinner, watch movies with you and call you dear.

but i guess it’s not to be huh? sometimes i can’t help but wonder if i’m just wasting my time. a friend i know and whom i respect alot told me to quit wasting my time on you. he told me it’s useless and that i should know when to give up. but i can’t. if i could i would have given up long ago.

man… i don’t know what to do…

Jigsaw Puzzle
by John Robert Poon

i see before me a jigsaw puzzle
but made up of squares, triangles and rectangles
piece by piece, they fit

i see myself
a tiny piece but of a different shape
neither square, nor triangle nor even a rectangle

try as i might
try as i would
try as i should

i squeeze and push
and tumble my way just to fit
all to no avail

i’ll never fit.

because i belong in another puzzle box….
– Jay, 26th November 2006

wrote this just awhile ago while lamenting the fact that i just can’t seem to fit in anywhere. maybe it’s my own fault. maybe i should conform. but no matter how i try i just can’t bloody fit. then i thought of something my pastor used to say:”like a platypus that’s ungainly on land yet graceful in the water, you will feel ungainly on earth but your citizenship is in heaven with Christ. do not despair if you feel you don’t fit in because everything else is temporary and in Christ you’re whole.”

i’m not antisocial. i’m just not comfortable with people. so pardon me if i appear like i don’t really give a damn or if i spend most of the time in my earphones or if i bury my face in a book. the fact that i’m there in your midst is fact enough that i enjoy your company and that i treat you guys as friends.

i may appear wishy-washy and uncommitted to appointments/meetings/dates but it only means i don’t want to make promises i cannot keep. i may appear like i don’t give a shit but i actually do.

i really don’t have a clue on how to act around people anymore.

just received my intenet bills and was surprised to see it was around $154. checked through the bill and realised due to Singnet’s new billing system, they had to adjust an extra month in the bill. so does that mean if i were to pay for that extra month, i won’t have to pay for it during the next billing cycle?

or is it a euphemism for “i’m sorry we screwed up somewhere but hey, pay up anyway”? so far, the lag and all that haven’t really been fantastic. i’m currently using a laptop for my gaming on a wireless system and that could be the reason why my gaming experience hasn’t been all that smooth, but still… i get lag. my ventrilo crashes sometimes and sometimes, i get bumped off the network for no reason.

oh wells.

school has been… bleh. my lecturer sent me an email from Cisco Systems about a possible 6-months internship offer. thing is, there’s bound to be competition. and i don’t think i’m good enough. so yeah.

and about being good enough? lately i find myself being more of a liability everywhere. i’m not doing anyone much good by being around i guess. sucks to be me right now.

kind of weird that people ask me if i can speak/understand tagalog. i mean, yeah i know i don’t particularly look like a filipino but then again, i’m only part filipino. and yes i can understand my chinese friends asking me if i can speak tagalog for them as maybe, it’s something different yah?

but what kind of gets to me are my mum’s friends. they’d go “oh? you can understand tagalog? wow!” as if it’s something wonderful. or something like how when your dog learns to open a door by himself you’d go “wow! woofy here knows how to open doors. sooo coool!”

yeah right.

i don’t know. recently my mum has been bugging me to go to church with her. her church. the thing is i don’t want to go to church. to her church or mine. reason being is i’m kind of dead to things. i’m very comfortable where i am and i don’t want to go anywhere. and moreover, only reason why she’d want me to go is most prob to ’show off’ her family.

okay maybe i was a little bit too cynical over there. but i mean honestly, i’m “expected” to go to the bbq just because “almost everyone’s family is going”. yeah yeah. and on dec 3, there’s going to be a party in church and i’m “expected to go because just about everyone’s going too”.

oh wells. i’ve told her that i’ll see about it but it seems she’s not interested in my answer. what she wants is for me to go and to make “friends” with her friends. heh. i’ve enough of making friends from church. those friends don’t last.

so i got tricked today. sort of.

had to *accompany* mum to her church bbq event. so anyway, it was the filipino congregation thingy. so yea, went early in the morning to Church of St. Vincent de Paul to wait for the coach/bus. the bbq was held at pasir ris park. very near Downtown East. nice place.

when we reached pasir ris, it was around 9.40am. i didn’t really want to go in the first place but mum told me i could leave once the bbq started or so… anyway, when we reached at 9.40am, we realised we needed some other stuffs. so we walked to Downtown East. man. talk about getting lost.

we actually got lost. not my fault. but yeaps. we got lost. we ended up walking an hour before we reached Cheers at Downtown East. anyway, long story short, i ended up staying for the whole day. firstly, it was a pretty long walk out to the nearest bus stop. secondly… mum decided to introduce me to some of the teenagers there wanted to matchmake me. crap i tell ya. wtf right?

some of them were pretty and all that… but i could tell i won’t fit in. i mean hello? teenagers? not my age group anyway. hah. but yeah. couldn’t leave after that. sucks to be me then huh?

so anyways got home at around 7pm.

and the guild downed Ragnaros! guild’s first kill of Ragnaros! triple DKP!

oh. and i’m sunburnt. either that or i was bbq’ed cause i was helping to bbq the food too. man… i can’t wait for the guild’s chalet again…

new addiction. FFXII. so that means i’m not as addicted to WoW anymore. good news i guess. although that means i’m more of a geek/nerd/loser than ever. but then again, i kinda gave up caring.

anyways, FFXII is awesome. there’s this cool system called ‘Gambit‘. having loads of fun customising and playing with the different gambits currently available.

why don’t you try it?

class started at 9am this morning. lecturer was already in class. so far, so good. at 9.35am however, he said, “alright. see you guys next week.” uhm. what? it’s a 1 hour tutorial and we’re let off 25mins early. i mean, sure sure… no problems with being let off early. but then, 25mins later, during the lecture with the same lecturer, we’re let off 45mins early. it’s a 2 hour lecture from 10am – 12nn and at 11.15am we’re off to an early lunch.

a friend of mine was late for tutorial this morning. he took a cab and incurred a cost of $17. never mind as long as he still gets to seat in during the tutorial and get his attendance marked right? well… let’s see. class was let off at 9.35am. he got to class at 9.40am. even though he may still be marked absent, at least he’ll be sitting through class right? or he could have still *marked* himself present since the attendance book is passed around for people to sign in and not checked by the lecturer himself…

oh wells. let’s just say that i’m not really interested in going for classes on thursdays as it’s really a waste of my time. time which i could have spent on WoW or FFXII.

it’s really weird how i hide things inside. i want to let people know but i’m afraid of being rejected. i’m afraid of being ridiculed. so i end up giving my opinions on lame stuffs. when it’s actually more of “hey i’ve got something i wanna say but i’m afraid to say” kind of thing.

i’m afraid to say what i really mean to say because if i’m afraid of letting people know. sometimes, i’d like to just tell her. but then i’m afraid of her telling other people and i end up being made a fool. and i’d rather just keep it deep down. even if it’s an ‘open secret’… at least i can ‘deny’. or something.

kind of wish i’m suffering from amnesia or something. or even dead. coward’s way out? sure. i’ve never said i’m strong enough to carry everything on my shoulders…

losing interest in everything once again… nothing seems to fit right. changes… i hate changes.

okay. shutting down this blog for awhile. i’ll leave this as the last post for now to be opened to the public. i’ll also be locking up the vlogs and the youtube clips.

i’ll be away from WoW this next few days. need to get away. i’ll be exploring more of the beta contents though so it’s not really a get away. since i’ll be locking up the rest of my blog, if anyone wants to view my BC screens, catch me on msn.

i managed to get [item]The Eye of Divinity[/item] and [item]Sash of Whispered Secrets[/item] from the last MC run. my current DKP is now down to -51.50. bleh.

currently also left with 1g from 812g. bought my epic riding skill last night. my epic mount is getting real close. only 89g more to get it.

me, a level 60 priest vs a level 67 rogue who wields a thunderfury:

- nice huh? it literally was a 1 shot.

by the way, Nigel, Terence and Haro came over to look see the beta. no idea what’s their impression but i know my poor little laptop didn’t impress them much. hehe. lots of lag and quite a bit of death due to not being able to react fast enough due to poor latency and bad framerates.

anyhow… i sure hope the spaghetti and potato salad i made made it up.

i am an optimistic pessimist and it never fails me. i have high hopes for things even though deep down i know it will not happen. and when it actually happens, i’m pleasantly surprised and if it does not in fact happen, well… i already knew it won’t happen so disappointments aren’t that hard to take.

that said, disappointments still do happen and it still do affect me. but yeah. i move on. or at least i try or pretend i try… whichever works i guess.

here’s more screenshots:

- second green item that i found.

- i’m a noob. not the first time i got caught unawares by the fel reaver…

okay. this is an ‘aside’ from my current blog posts.

when is it acceptable to use vulgarities on someone whom you know personally for at least close to 3 years? answer? never. it is never acceptable.

now… when is it acceptable to use those same vulgarities on the same person OVER a game? answer? NEVER.

a game is a game is a fucking game. and yes. i’m bloody offended now. where before i was a little bit shocked and disappointed over this, i’m now just fucking pissed and annoyed and yes, i’m offended. very much so. because instead of apologising, what was said in fact was a ‘justification’ of that vulgarity. hello?

no vulgarity is justified. especially not one said in anger. especially not when the object of that vulgarity is someone whom you’ve known for at least close to 3 years. someone with whom you’ve gone for a chalet with more than once. honestly… i’m now just trying to cool down by writing all this down here.

better for me to write it here on my blog than for me to just do the same and say the same stuffs back to you.

we’ve all heard rumours that items from the outlands would be good or better than the items currently found in ‘live’. well… i’m not one who focuses on loot. in fact, sometimes, i have problems telling if a particular item is good for my character or not and i have to resort to asking my guildmates for help.

in anycase, these few screenshots might help.

- a level 60 green item that dropped off a random mob.

- a quest that i’ve got that requires me to get into an instance. look at the rewards…

oh! and a shaman’s weapon buffs (the windfury weapon, frostbrand weapon, etc) now lasts for 30mins instead of 5mins. i’m going to enjoy playing my shaman again. really.

more screenshots. this time taken on my level 60 shaman.

- the alliance do appear friendly here at the dark portal…

- the bag slots in the bank have definitely been increased by 1 more slot and the cost has been capped at 25g.

- seems like you can only display your highest rank but you do have the option of displaying it or not.

while wandering outside Thrallmar in shadowform, i saw a fel reaver in the distance. to my level 60 character, that fel reavers appears as a level ?? elite. my guess is it’s level 70… goodness. and i got chased down by it moments after taking this screenshot. killed me in 1 hit for around 2577 damage. and guess what? the damage wasn’t even a critical hit.

no screenshots for this post unfortunately. just woke up and need to get ready for classes. one thing i’d like to point out though is that even though i don’t have any addons/mods in the BC beta, almost everything i need is already included in Blizzard’s default UI. one example is the scrolling combat text. another is the ‘auto loot’ functionality.

where before, to auto loot a corspe, you’ll need to shold the ’shift’ key and right click, this functionality allows one to just right click and it shall auto loot the corspe (much like holding down ’shift’ and right clicking). there’s also the ‘auto self cast’ functionality from live.

while in ‘live’ we’d needed to use a mod to see what spells an enemy was casting, in BC that functionality is built in. we not only can tell what spell the ‘mob’ is casting, we also actually see it as a cast bar, thus giving us ample warning just when the spell will be casted.

there’s an extra bag slot in the bank as well. wonder why i forgot to mention this. maybe i counted it wrongly though. i’ll check it again later.

all right. off to school. will post more when i get back.

here’s some more screens. my first flight from the dark portal encampment to Thrallmar, the very first horde city you’ll get to.

- look at the view! my first flight in the outlands!

- demons at the bottom right…

- more demons…

- nearing Thrallmar.

- nice background?

2 posts ago, i posted screenshots of me heading towards the dark portal. well… now let me show screens of me through the dark portal and on to the other side: the Outlands.

- the very first thing i saw. a Pit Lord.

- gigantic portal. much bigger than the one in Azeroth.

- while the one in Azeroth has a snake motif, this one here in the Outlands has a dragon.

- when you come down the stairs from the portal, on the right is the horde encampment.

- and on the left? it’s the alliance camp.

note that here, you view both sides as friendly and you cannot interact with any of the NPCs of the opposite faction. not too sure about other players because i never saw any alliances as yet. most probably they’ll either appear friendly (green) or non-aggressive (yellow).

i promised earlier to take the screenshots with regards to the character pane changes. to that end, i’ve taken screenies from the current ‘live’ content as a comparison to the BC contents.

from the ‘live’ content:

from the ‘beta’ content:

so my level 60 characters have finally been copied onto the beta realm. great! decided to check out Kellden first and the first thing i noticed was that all my talent points have been refunded. second thing is that where previously there was an ‘Honor’ tab in the Character pane, it was replaced by ‘PvP’. i’ll expand more on this once i get the screenshots ready.

anyway, i had to cook dinner so the only screens i could take for now was the dark portal.

everything’s up and running although my level 60 characters haven’t been copied over yet. according to the status page, the character copy is still ‘pending’.

it’s okay. i made a blood elf paladin. heh. first impression? wow! the whole starting area of the blood elves are really amazing. you *just* know these guys are magic users. there’s brooms which are sweeping the floors on their own, floating flower pots… the architecture is just amazing.

i took some screenshots although they don’t really show much. i was much too engrossed in actually exploring and doing the quests instead of framing the shots.

nevertheless, here’s the pics:

whew! finally finished the download of the 1.95GB installer. however, to install the beta client, i need a further 5.2GB. hah! i’m going to have to clear up some stuffs before installing…

stay tuned!

still downloading the damn beta client. it’s 1.95GB and i’m only up till 58% of it. very slow downloads. but i guess that can be attributed to me being on WoW at the same time yeah?

damn excited. i can copy up to 4 level 55+ characters over to the test realm and/or try out the blood elf. i can’t try the dranei though. no ideas why. but first up, blood elf paladin!

will see if i am allowed to post up screenshots or whatever. if i can’t, at least i’ll blog down my impressions, etc.

man. thank goodness my i’m on a 3-day school week.

hmm. planning to invite some of the guild members to come down and check out the beta as well. would be cool wouldn’t it?

checked my mail this afternoon and found something i’d never dream of. i’ve been invited to participate in the closed beta tests of The Burning Crusade!

well…

the guild certainly has fallen into hard times. lack of warriors have been killing quite a bit of raids. this is getting to be so much of a problem that we’re most likely heading back into a raiding alliance with Eternity End. not that that’s a bad thing by itself actually. both guilds have grown together and have helped each other a whole lot.

the only problem was as a raiding alliance, it was basically two separate guilds fighting for a slot in MC and the only people they actually needed then was Cloveria and Randruru. honestly speaking, that was all they actually needed since half the time, they have more members than we do. i can remember an instance where we started to roll for slots and what happened was, out of 40 people in the raid, only a handful (five or six) was from the guild. the rest belonged to EE.

that kind of sucked bad really.

but since we currently have not enough tanking warriors, we just might head back into the alliance. not too sure if i’d like that or even if i’ll continue raiding actually.

just rearranged my work space and now i have 2 computers in my room. one laptop and one very old computer that i’ve installed ubuntu into.

basically, going to try and configure that old computer into some sort of ‘file server’. ambitious project i think. considering i don’t know shit about linux. but nothing better than hands on practice yah? so there. room’s even messier than before but i’ll slowly clean it up.

while cleaning up my desk, i came across an old photo album. heh. photos of the last day in camp as a recruit and some old photos of her. damn. i miss those days. those carefree days. heh. as if i’m not carefree still huh? but yea. things are much too hectic now. i really want to just graduate from school and get a job and get a place of my own. mum and bros are just irritating the crap out of me at times.

i don’t have a life. and i need a life. i do. i need a gf too. haha! right. as if.

anyway… kind of bored with everything. lost interest in a whole lot of stuffs. now that i’m rearranging my room, i hope i can ‘mentally’ psyche myself up as well.

band of brothers. man. i know i’m slow but i’m only now starting to watch this ten-part mini series and i’ve just finished watching part four. damn good show. i love the portrayal and all that. it being based on real people during the second world war only makes it more exciting.

i’m hungry for more. on to part five!

back to the rainy day blues.

i’m the luckiest guy in the world!

i don’t have any enemies… i mean… with friends like them, who needs enemies?

thanks!

think i’m all NATO when it comes to relationships. No Action, Talk Only.

i may say i like a person and all that… yet i won’t lift a finger to do anything about it. maybe it’s cause i know deep down inside that it will never happen at all. maybe it’s cause i’m afraid to get rejected. so what do i do? i don’t know. i’m sure as hell not doing anything now.

oh well…

so i went to watch deathnote earlier with some of the guild people. the usual gang. myself, cassandra, nigel, haro, rin, medrio, terence, astley and ricoz.

the movie was nice.

now what i want is to go grab the anime and/or manga.

i’m feeling bleh.

i’m in no mood to WoW, to chat nor to watch movies. i’m in no mood to go out, to have fun nor to party. i’m just feeling so bleh. like there’s really something missing and you can’t figure out what. like you’ve had a word on the tip of your tongue just moments ago but it wouldn’t come out now…

it feels like having this itch on my back which i just can’t seem to scratch. it’s not an itch at somewhere i can’t reach. it’s just an itch that doesn’t fully go away even after you’ve scratched that spot till you’ve drawn blood. feels like the more that spot is scratched, the more it itches.

it’s just… irritating the hell out of me. like how on a trip, you suddenly have this feeling you’ve forgotten something terribly important but no matter how you check, it’s not anything you can recall.

this sucks.

getting tired of WoW. i’m only getting online either for raids… or to chat. and after raids, i get back on msn. to chat.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
- Sigmund Freud

i’ve just had one of the most interesting conversations ever. or weird. depends on how you look at it i suppose. the conversation took place as comments on one of my previous posts.

@Monkee: thanks for the conversation. really made my day. and just for the record, i’m not some pedophilic stalker.

on another note, The Burning Crusade is coming out very very soon!

this sem is going to be a lonely sem for me. first, i’m retaking my NDM and PDP modules. my NDM class has only 3 students including myself. of the other 3 students, 1 of them hasn’t been seen the entire week. in PDP, the only times when i’m actually with friends is during the combined lecture. in mu tutorial and laboratory group, even though i do know one or two persons, we don’t interact much except to say “hi” or “bye”.

i’m practically by myself. not that it isn’t a bad thing actually.

i’m afraid of making the first move for fears of getting rebuffed. yet, were i to keep quiet, i may be thought of as being aloof and anti-social. yeah yeah. i know… i shouldn’t be worried about what others think about me and all that. it comes back to the same root problem. a deeply rooted inferiority complex.

why do i even feel this way anyway? heh. oh wells. enough of these thoughts.

next week, going to have a super long weekend. i don’t have classes on mondays and on fridays. next tuesday however is a public holiday so i’m only going for classes on wednesday and thursday. long weekend.

something’s still missing. i’m still not content with what’s going on and with what i have. something is still missing. there’s this gaping hole in my life and i’m still trying to find out what it is. i’m trying to fill that hole but nothing seems to fit it. something’s wrong.

i’m not content. i’m not satisfied. something is missing and it is irritating the hell out of me because for the life of me, i can’t figure it out.

i don’t like people much anymore. therefore, if i make an effort to talk to you, it means that you’re special.

if i’m bothered by what you say or do, it means you’re special too. because it means i’m impacted by whatever you’ve said or done.

if i seem to keep getting on your case, it means you’re special too. because it means that i care enough for you as a friend to even bother.

to the rest whom i don’t talk to anymore… it’s not you. it’s me. i just find it hard to maintain the status quo. there’s nothing in common anymore and to keep on trying is just like flogging a dead horse. you can flog all you want… but the horse will remain dead.

if only i can say what i really really feel at times.

if only i can turn back time.

if only i can make things better.

if only…

if only i’ve got you.

today was pretty okay. i actually dreaded coming to school for this module eversince i flunked it last sem. didn’t want to see the lecturer and all that nonsense. but hey. before i went in to class, i told myself i’m going to have to change my mindset and walk in with a positive attitude.

guess what? i actually kind of enjoyed myself. although i do have to point out that this time, the class was way smaller than last sem. there was only three people taking this module this sem. one of the guys was absent today so there was like only two of us and the lecturer. small small class eh?

which is better in a way. i prefer these kinds of classes. i don’t like to be in classes where there are a lot of people and where you have friends in the same class. i tend to get distracted easily and that’s not exactly good.

i’m going to start dreading thursdays though. it’s an awful long day and with two practical lab sessions, it’s going to feel even longer…

there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
– mother teresa

ups and downs. i didn’t realise it’s so fast.

i think the only reason why i was feeling better was cause of my overdose on caffeine and sugar the past weeks due to raiding. now i’m feeling the crash. had a brief moment of happiness and all that and suddenly, crashing. must be cause of the prospect of school. granted i only have classes on tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays… but the idea of being out and mixing with people is suddenly daunting.

i’m afraid of what tomorrow will bring.

i’m becoming more and more a social misfit. i’ve kind of lost touch with people actually. weird huh? i mean, over the ‘net i’m still okay i guess… it’s just that i start panicking when i actually have to make contact with people in person.

this is scary. and it doesn’t bode well for my mental well-being. hmmm. i think in addition to having an inferiority complex, i’m also saddled with bipolarism and erm… i don’t know. is there a mental illness that makes one paranoid and suspicious about people? or strangers in general? xenophobia?

i’m just feeling so screwed now lah.

it’s now 2.20am. i’ve been sleeping only at 7am and waking up at around 10am for the past few days. all i can say about this is that my bio-clock is all out of whack. classes start this tuesday. which would be tomorrow actually since it’s 2.20am monday morning now.

turned out i’m not the only one having a screwed body clock…

so anyway, what have i been doing till 7am? nothing much. just chatting on msn, listening to music and occasionally djing on vent. all good times. haha!

a while ago, my mum asked me, if i have no interest in EE at all, why didn’t i choose to apply for a course in IT. a friend asked me years ago, if what i love was to write and that if i have no interest at all in mathematics, why didn’t i study ARTs instead of SCIENCE. just a few hours ago, someone asked me why if i loved to cook so much, why didn’t i want to be a chef in the future. the response i gave to all these questions was the same. the stuffs i loved to do (webdesign, poetry, cooking, just to name a few) were all things i loved to do out of interest. to me, i have a very very specific idea of where things ought to go and in my scheme of things, interests should be sustained as a hobby and not as a job.

my idea is that if what i’m doing no longer interests me, i can always stop doing them and maybe, pick them up again in the future if i so choose. if the interest becomes my job, then it would definitely burn me out if i have lost the interest to do it and yet, still have to keep doing it. it becomes a repetitive chore and one that sooner turn me off then give me inspiration.

as shown from this blog itself, blogging is a hobby. it is my passion to a certain extent but when i lost the drive a couple of weeks ago, i just stopped. and when i started it again, i can dare say the passion is back again.

this brings me to what is recently happening. i love to raid. i love my guild. i love what i am doing and the unique role that i have chosen to provide. i am a healer. i have a level 60 shaman and a level 60 priest. every raid, when i am on either one, i step back and heal. but recently, raids have become a chore. oh it’s still fun. really. the thrill when we one-shot a boss (killing a boss in one try and with minimum deaths) and the enjoyment of clearing an instance fast cleanly. the excitement of reaching a new boss and the anticipation of new loots.

however, it’s become tedious. it’s become a chore. i no longer want to heal or get on raids as much because instead of me playing for the fun of it, i’m only getting on because of guild loyalty and because i’m an officer in the guild. if a guild officer cannot set a proper example, how does a guild grow? yet, it’s because of this whole thing that’s making raiding seem like work that i’m starting to get burned out.

i get on WoW to play and have fun and relieve stress yet when i get on, the opposite happens. instead of ‘getting away’ from it all, my burdens seemed to have grown bigger. this is a serious problem.

if what i am doing doesn’t interest me any longer and becomes more of a chore, i will quit. ’nuff said.

haven’t been writing much.

got into my usual depression and all that. recently it’s lifting. good for me i suppose.

anyway, some random stuffs i realised. alot of people from the supposedly ‘english’ educated countries (australia, united states, canada) cannot type. they can’t spell. seriously.

not bashing anyone but sometimes, i wonder what’s wrong with their education system. i’m not saying singapore’s education system is that good but most of the singaporeans i know online can at least spell. i mean… seriously. i’ve read alot of americans on forums using roll when they meant role.

i don’t want to correct them because i don’t want to seem so anal about grammer and spelling online. but still… they’re the ones for whom english is a first language. in fact, for most of them, english is THEIR only language. now, i say again. i’m not dissing those who cannot spell. i’m just amused (i think?) that for us whom english is a 2nd or even a 3rd language can spell it much better than those whose english is their first or only language.

granted, i do have problems choosing the correct form/noun of a certain word. (whose, whom, who’s, etc gives me problems too.)

oh wells. life’s like that i suppose.

opinions… does my opinions matter? or am i just there to fill in the gaps and be a yes man?

is it easier to believe in illusions? or to believe that real life is an illusion?

everything is fake. nothing is real. all emotions… love, etc. all are nothing but illusions. everything is a lie.

i’m not one with the answers. but i do know One with the answers. and i do know only He can make things better. and i submit to His Will.

was my mum’s birthday on sept 9. bought her an ipod shuffle. hehe. spent a load of cash that day. cause i didn’t just buy her a shuffle. i bought her the accessories as well. was thinking to get her an ipod nano but was kind of broke for that kind of moolah. anyway, speaking of ipods, here’s a nice site. virtual ipod. go check it out.

Every tuesday is maintenance day for WoW. On that day, every night, I get to rest. I get time off from WoW to listen to music, watch television and read books. While I’d curse and swear for a moment that I need to log off due to maintenance, 2 hours later, I’m thankful I can get the time off to just stone.

10 more days before the results of my examinations are released. I’m dreading the news.

i only come out of my room now to wash up and to cook lunch/dinner. if i don’t have younger brothers to cook for and if i have a fridge in my room, the only reason for me to come out is to wash up/shower. and of course to use the toilet.

i guess that sums up everything.

been neglecting my blog. heh. what can i say? been busy leveling up my priest to level 60. currently at level 44 and i say it’s been good progress. so, apart from wow, what have i been doing? i’m ashamed to admit that i’ve done nothing. i haven’t been doing anything at all.

so anyway, how have i been? i don’t know. obviously i’m not dead yet. but somehow, i don’t think i’m really *alive* if my schedule these days are “morning: wake up, wash up, WoW till noon. brunch. WoW till 4pm. sleep. wake up at 5.30pm. prepare and have dinner till 6.30pm. WoW till next morning 3am.” and it goes.

if anyone were to really ask me how i’m feeling, my response would be that i’m just *surviving*. honestly, you call this living? i don’t. i don’t have a life anymore outside of WoW. and the sad thing is i’m sort of content.

i have no desires to get out of the house. i’m… afraid. i’m afraid of what things outside the house mean. honestly. i’m afraid to get to know people. especially after what happened recently. i no longer trust people that i don’t know for at least a year. heh. oh wells.

next up. i kind of like someone. oh she knows. but the problem is, she don’t feel the same. what’s new? heh. but seriously, am i even doing anything at all? the answer is… nope. i’m not doing anything. mainly cause i don’t know what to do. really. i’m totally out of touch with people that i just plain give up on them. ah wells. i guess that’s all the updates for now.

School’s out!

been sleeping real late for the past 2 weeks. sleeping at 3am or 4am. yet all the time spent awake wasn’t spent on studying. i’m so screwed.

procrastionation is just like masturbation. at first it feels so good. but on hindsight, you’re actually just screwing yourself.

procrastination is my weakness. and i think i am going to pay big time for it. but guess what? although i am feeling a little panicky, i’m not too concerned at the moment. i wonder why. and i hate this false sense of confidence i’m having. mainly cause i know it’s false…

happy birthday sarah!

i just have this overwhelming need to be acknowledged. to know that i have contributed something. yet many times, i’m kind of disappointed that my efforts just aren’t good enough. seems that what i have done is just so miniscule that it’s not worth the effort to be acknowledged.

or maybe… could it be that people just take me for granted?

whatever. i just hate being me now.

i am not amused. i spent $12 to get to KAP by 1pm because that’s the time i told Richard to meet to study. i left my home at 12.30pm to meet up with Weishen to get something that’s why i had to take a cab to meet the time.

it’s now already 2.25pm and that bugger has yet to make an appearance. i don’t find this funny. he asked me to meet with him so i could coach him in ECT and so he could help me out with NDM. and yet, he’s the one who’s late…

i’m scared. the exams starts on the 21st for me and ends on the 24th. it’s already the 18th and i have yet to be fully prepared. yet, i’m still feeling strangely calm and not feeling the pressure. i’m still taking things slowly and lately, instead of taking a break from WoW, it seems i’m on even more.

i have 2 modules that i’m really worried about and these are the 2 modules that i’m still not yet prepared for. only consolation is they are final 2 papers. so i guess in a way i still have a little bit more time. i’ve been procrastinating more than usual as well. not too sure what’s wrong. but oh well, i guess as long as i buck up on time…

anyway, in other news, the song ‘Cotton Candy’ by Bonnie Pink is currently on repeat. although it’s not a new song, the song is just so catchy. and it’s damn refreshing from my usual selections.

thanks Sarah for the tag!

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?
Blue Day by American Hi-Fi

pretty much self-explanatory isn’t it? and it’s true. i went to school for a tutorial in preparation for next week’s exams and i realised i know nothing.

Will you get far in life?
Even If by 2Be3

don’t know about this song and what it means right now.

How do your friends see you?
Re-Run by Acceptance

seems like i’m living my life in a rerun. and it’s kinda true. my friends know that i have given up on her. yet time and again, they hear me wishing me and her could be back together again. reruns. how apt.

Will you get married?
Catch Your Wave by The Click Five

“And I’m still in it for the fight, Not givin’ in I’m gonna win, win, win, I’m gonna win cause… ” according to the lyrics… maybe?

What is your best friend’s theme song?
Give You Back by Vertical Horizon

no idea about this one.

What is the story of your life?
Just The Girl by The Click Five

oh yes. the songs sorta describes things…

What was high school like?
I’ll Take My Chances by The Click Five

heh. no points guessing what this means…

How can you get ahead in life?
Sunburn by Muse

no idea about this one too…

What is the best thing about your friends?
Love Me by The Bee Gees

my friends love me? that’s nice. and that’s new too.

What is in store for this weekend?
Face That Launched 1000 Ships by Death Cab For Cutie

errr?

What song describes you?
Symmetry by Falling Up

hmmm?

To describe your grandparents?
Falling In Love by Falling Up

nice…

How is your life going?
Lonely by Shannon Noll

how true!

What song will they play at your funeral?
Broken Heart by Falling Up

haha! yea i’ll die of a broken heart.

How does the world see you?
Pentagram by Cake

a pentagram?

Will you have a happy life?
No Better Place by Steven Curtis Chapman

am i happy now? i don’t know. i am content though. so… no better place for now.

What do your friends really think of you?
Not Home Yet by Steven Curtis Chapman

i’m not home yet? so where’s home?

Do people secretly lust after you?
The Change by Steven Curtis Chapman

right.

How can I make myself happy?
Speechless by Steven Curtis Chapman

i’m speechless. i don’t understand.

What should you do with your life?
Revelations by Dragonforce

revelations on?

Will you ever have children?
Soldier by Steven Curtis Chapman

no idea. maybe never? i mean, as a soldier, you;re supposed to give your life up for your country… so i guess i’ll die early and hence, not get married and also no children?

The next 10.
I tag Mervkwok, Cassandra, Rin, Medrio, Dorothy and the next five to whoever reads my blog. Just leave a note to let me know you’ve done it though.

happy birthday charmaine!

just had a random thought on the guild. if the guild was a country, what sort of government does it have. Dukun gave me a very good answer. he said, it’s one that doesn’t exclude anyone from the upper echelons. and that to have to define it and put a label on it, would be actually limiting it. and that’s cool.

realised that lately, i have been focusing more on my priest rather than my shaman. one of the reason being, priests heal better than shamans. another reason is that there is an overwhelming number of shamans in the guild, but not enough priests. although it may seem dumb for me to concentrate on my level 24 priest as opposed to my current max level 60 shaman, i just have this fear.

i want. no. i need. i need to feel needed and wanted. my shaman… is just another shaman. no big deal. in fact, i think i’m a rather lousy shaman. so to that end, i have decided to create a priest in the hopes that i’d be needed. so far so good. not really able to contribute much to the guild with my priest at the moment but i’d say in time to come, that will change.

being a priest is so much fun. people’s lives are literally in your hands. i remember getting invited into a WC group by alot of people. it’s like… really needed and wanted. heh. wish i could say the same for my shaman and in real life yeah?

inferiority complex. hmph. i do NOT feel inferior. i AM. wish i could be better than i am now. but in everything i do… i am sorely lacking. oh wells. at least i guess i do have an escape.

so. where am i? where do i stand? where do i go?

Happy Birthday Angeline!

when is it the right time to give up? or is there even such a thing? when is it the right time to move on? what if i had promised to love her forever? would moving on mean that i’m breaking my promise? or would holding on while she’s already with someone else means i’m stupid?

questions i’m asking myself. no answers coming. or if there are, i turn a deaf ear. or i reject them outright.

i’m afraid of moving forward. partly because i don’t know what moving forward means and what it holds. partly because at least, the past is constant. nothing will change the past. it’s easier to dwell on it. i guess.

yet even though i am ready to try and move on, the problem is i don’t trust people enough. and those i trust invariably don’t feel the same. so where does that leave me? i’m stuck in limbo. heh. story of my life. what’s new?

anyway. title of the post says it all. to a certain extent.

kind of getting worn out with some stuffs ingame. i’m not the guild leader/raid leader/class officer and yet, i too am feeling this pressure. i don’t know how to explain it. all i know is the guild ingame is moving in a whole new different direction and it’s unsettling. on the surface, it looks like it’s taking a few steps back from our current progress.

and actually, if we don’t pick ourselves up in time, it might really be a backward step. and it is not going to be pretty. i know it’s just a game. but hell. it’s different. it’s more than just a game for me. the community and friends i have made… suffice it to say, i’m really affected by this current situation.

also, exams in 2 weeks. as if that is not enough… relationship wise… i’m not too sure where i am headed. i’m kind of losing my grip on things.

i’m scared. and i do not know what to do now.

i think i better get to bed and pray that tomorrow, things will be more clear.

all these stress, whether real or imaginary, are making my ulcers act up. i need to see a shrink.

there was an accident with Sarah’s blog and i couldn’t save it. couldn’t salvage and all that. so anyway, we both decided to scrap that old subdomain so here’s the new one. update your links please.

fuck. i took a cab to school again today because of my lab test at 9am. while on the way to school, a car cut into the lane that my cab was on, forcing my cab driver to step on the brakes. that caused a car to ram into my taxi from behind. now, i was sitting at the backseat so i kinda felt the impact hard.

the cab driver offered to drive me to a hospital but i refused, seeing that i had to rush for my test. guess what? i was still late anyway. late by a fucking 15mins and the lecturer refused to allow me to take it. he said i’ll have to wait for the next session which is at 10am. hello? if i actually get to sit for the 9am paper, i can be out of here and be in the clinic or the hospital. my back is fucking aching now.

as it is, i have to wait till after my paper. fuck.

if i knew this shit would happen, i’d have just agreed to go to the hospital straight. at least i’d have gotten an mc or whatever.

lots of things to write. but each time i try, it all seems to come out differently. maybe i’m just losing it. or… what if i didn’t have it in the first place?

think i’m kinda slow… but i’m enjoying listening to Shannon Noll and Edwin McCain more each day. thanks to Dorothy for the heads up on this 2 singers.

in other news, exams are just around the corner. getting kind of stressed out with some modules although i got to admit, i haven’t really been doing much revising. NDM and PDP is going to be a headache. ECAM and ECT should be a piece of cake although i have this problem with careless mistakes in ECAM.

maybe after the exams, i’ll do a revamp on this site. heh. and speaking of which, working on ASP is hard. my e-commerce mini project is not going as well as i expected it to be. lots of stuffs which can be done on PHP just don’t seem as viable in ASP. or maybe it’s just me.

been reading up on Murphy’s Laws and found a list online. here it is.

Read the rest of this entry »

got back my laptop this afternoon. man. it feels great having it back. the past 10 days i had to make do with my desktop which i share with my bro and damn it sucks. it’s an old desktop… but my parents aren’t willing to spend the money on upgrading it or getting a new one. to them, the pc is a necessary evil. as long as ours still works, they don’t see why we should get another.

according to my parents, we have an Xbox and a PS2. there’s no need to get a better com just to play games on. so yeah.

took a cab earlier this morning. stupid me. i took a cab and it cost me $17 and guess what? i didn’t have a need to get to class this early.

moreover, my cab driver was so fucking annoying. he was also rude and vulgar. well, not to me of course but to the other drivers. he was constantly scolding them and calling them names. and he almost got us into an accident.

he was trying to tell me of a route to school, telling me it was a short cut, etc, and that it would get me to school faster and ‘cheaper’. yeah right. and while telling me all those, he’d be looking back at me¹ and gesturing wildly with his hands when a motorcycle suddenly cut infront of him. he then jammed the brakes and pounded his horns. after that, both the biker and him were scolding and screaming at each other.

it was my worse cab ride. moreover, the fare tariff had been raised. instead of paying $3.40 for the early morning peak hour rate, we now have to pay $4.50 instead. my usual fare to school in the mornings with the $4 surcharge was only $19. today? i paid $17 without even going through the ERP gantry. fuck. and i only have $20 in my wallet.

so, now that i came to school on time and finding out i didn’t even need to be here for my 9am lab work, i have a total of 5hours break. since my next class starts at 2pm… and also since my 2pm – 5pm class is almost like a 3hr rest period already, it seems i’m spending the whole day doing nothing. fuck this.

1. i was seating at the back seat because the front seat stank[↩]

went to my grandma’s place this morning to celebrate her birthday. wasn’t able to take any photos even though I brought along my digicam cause the freaking batteries ran out. fuck man. anyways, after that, left my grandma’s place at around 5pm to go town with my bro and Guowei.

my bro actually wanted to buy me a Crumpler bag as a birthday gift but i declined. i mean, $100+ for a bag for me for my birthday? uh… no thanks. i don’t really need a bag that desperately and to tell the truth, i’d rather he keep his money for himself or buy his own stuffs. after that, we then went to catch Nacho Libre. funny show but not worth the $9.50 we spent on the tix. and guess who payed? me. funny huh? came to town cause my bro wanted to buy me a bag. ended with me buying him a ticket.

anyways, what i want for my birthday is just to have people to celebrate it with, even though i know i didn’t celebrate it at all. so what’d i got this year? nothing. i mean i’m okay with it. it’s the thought that counts. and i’m so darn thankful my bro actually thought to spend that much on me. but really… what i want is to have a special someone.

but i guess it’s impossible with the way things are.

oh and maybe, i’d also want a new guitar. or maybe a macbook pro. or maybe… nah. hahaha! i’d wanted to say 2yrs worth of WoW subscription but nah. haha! never mind me. all these are wants. not needs. my needs have been met so fully by God. i guess i should be content with that eh?

so what’d i do on my birthday? nothing. absolutely nothing. hell, i spent the entire day sleeping in, watching VCDs (Mask of Zorro and Prince Valiant) and just reading books i borrowed from the school library. finished like 3 thick novels in 2 days. as usual. when i have nothing to do, i read. or sleep. whichever works.

anyway, so. nothing spectacular. never did get laid or wasted. never got attached or anything. hell. my mum only wished me happy birthday when she got home from work. which was around 5pm. and none of my brothers seemed to have remembered to wish me. but that’s okay. if not for the few people who have SMSed me, etc, i might have thought i got the date of my own birthday wrong.

ah wells. let’s compare this year to last year shall we? oh, here are some more ‘memories‘. this year, i guess i ain’t so negative like i was last year. probably cause i gave up. hah. i mean, honestly, what’s the use of thinking too much? nothing right? thinking too much about things won’t make them come to pass…

anyway, it’s already 1.30am. my birthday’s over for at least an hour and a half. weird though. almost all the birthday greetings i got last year came via msn. just shows how much ‘real life’ friends i have as oppsed to online friends huh?

July 22nd @ 12.32am – Angeline (via SMS)
July 22nd @ 03.49am – Jem (via this)
July 22nd @ 04.44am – boringest (via this)
July 22nd @ 08.25am – Cassandra (via SMS)
July 22nd @ 09.00am – My Dad (face to face)
July 22nd @ 12.26pm – SeeKee (via SMS)
July 22nd @ 03.50pm – Dorothy (via Friendster)
July 22nd @ 03.50pm – Ken (via Friendster)
July 22nd @ 04.43pm – Guowei (via SMS)
July 22nd @ 09.52pm – Sarah (via this)
July 23rd @ 09.56pm – Max (via Friendster)

the previous entry was postdated actually. posted it at 7.45pm on 21st July 2006. just before leaving the house to give my mum and my bros a treat. we went to catch Superman Returns and man! it was great!

i don’t care what anyone says. Superman was my childhood hero and he still is. haha! crap man. it’s a really good show. but then again, that’s my opinion. so there. anyways. yep. going to catch some much needed sleep now.

my 25th to be exact. gosh. i feel old. really old. all i want though… is to have her back.

it’s now 12.45am on my clock. that leaves me 23hrs 15min before my bday. hah.

oh wells. let’s see just how many remembers/bothers. and would she remember/bother?

it’s been 4 days without my laptop. i’ve been surviving on old magazines and old novels. i need the laptop soon. the desktop is constantly hogged by my bro so it’s rather hard for me to do my stuffs on it. no WoW. i’m bored to death.

my laptop’s cooling system is spoilt. maybe due to the fact that whenever i am home and online, i’ll be running WoW almost 24/7. anyway, it’s spoilt. strange whirring sound whenever i start up my laptop now. so i won’t be coming online often unless i were to use my ancient desktop.

but that’s neither here or there. so i shall bid adieu for now till my laptop gets fixed. i’ll be sending it to the repair center in school as soon as it opens tomorrow.

Weishen got me a date for next week. but there’s a catch. i have to pay for him as well.

last week, i met him in the library with his friend. so that he intro-ed me to his friend Daphne. so anyway, i told him i think she’s cute and he then proceeded to set up a date. i only found out like a day or two ago. i don’t have an inkling of what he actually told her but what i could gather is he told her i’m interested in her and would like to ask her out for a movie.

apparently, she said yes when he told her i’ll be the one footing the bill. and then here comes the kicker. she said she’s not really that keen to go on a single date with me since she don’t really know me and that she wants him to be there too. and that dude says he’ll only go if i offer to foot his bill too.

haha! crap. but nah… i’m not going. i don’t know her too and i think if i have to pay for the first ‘date’, i’m pretty much a fool. also, it’s not a date if someone else has to tag along. and well… i prefer doing the asking. instead of helping someone ask for me. moreover, i really don’t even know her. heh.

ps: 1 month to her birthday. 7 more days to mine.

when one doesn’t have much of a life beyond school and WoW, it can be rather hard to blog about anything. as such, i might decide to take a break from blogging. but in actual fact, i guess i’m already doing that. blogging only when i have something to say or something to get off my chest.

lately, i sense the futility of everything. what’s the point? what’s the use? i don’t know. more and more i’m turning to WoW to escape reality… oh well. i don’t know. i’m kind of lost now actually. i no longer really know what i want or what i need. i think.

As a software development manager, A. Selvan sees his fair share of WTF’s. Though most are suited for the likes of Dilbert comic strips, every now and then he’ll come across a story that best fits here. Today I’d like to share one of these stories in the form of an email conversation between A. and the new Product Manager…

_______________________________
From: {Product Manager}
Sent: Tuesday, March 28, 2006 8:41 AM
To: A—– Selvan
Cc: {Marketing Director}
Subject: Software Version

A—–,
I’ve noticed that in several places (most prominently, Help-About),
there is the product version, build number, etc. Please have your team
remove this information in our next release.

_______________________________
From: A—– Selvan
Sent: Tuesday, March 28, 2006 9:03 AM
To: {Product Manager}
Cc: {Marketing Director}
Subject: Re: Software Version

The product version and build number are necessary to identify what
release the customer has. This is also key in our testing and quality
process.

_______________________________
From: {Product Manager}
Sent: Tuesday, March 28, 2006 1:29 PM
To: A—– Selvan
Cc: {Marketing Director}
Subject: Re: Software Version

Couldn’t you determine this information some other way? We don’t want
the customers knowing this information and need it removed.

_______________________________
From: A—– Selvan
Sent: Tuesday, March 28, 2006 1:45 PM
To: {Product Manager}
Cc: {Marketing Director}
Subject: Re: Software Version

We really can’t remove it from the product, but, if you’d like, we can
hide it further. However, it is very discrete as is: it only appears in
the About dialog, release notes, and change log. But no matter what, we
will need to keep it accessible for support.

Either way, I don’t really understand the request. Almost every software
program ever made has release information like this. Why would you
want it removed?

_______________________________
From: {Product Manager}
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 10:04 AM
To: A—– Selvan
Cc: {Marketing Director}
Subject: Re: Software Version

We can’t be at all accessible to the client, we’ll just have to find
another way.

The reason is simple: when they see “Version 2.8 (build 448),” they
will think that it took us 28 releases and over *four hundred* builds
to get right.

_______________________________
From: {Marketing Director}
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 10:08 AM
To: A—– Selvan, {Product Manager}
Subject: Re: Software Version

This is a good point. This is *not* the information we should be
conveying to our customers. A—–, please make sure it’s removed in
the next release.

taken from The Daily WTF

one thing i realise about my brother, is that he is extremely good at making someone feel extremely bad. and i mean to say he’s not just manipulative, he’s able to convince you that you are wrong even when you are right. and he’s a fucking egolomaniac. and when he realises he’s actually wrong, he’ll fucking try to twist things around to make you seem you are wrong instead.

oh wells.

13 more days.

well… found out what happened to my guitar case. apparently, a cat peed on it. so some smart alec decided to throw it away instead of getting his hands dirty by washing it. thanks ah.

i’m not looking forward to it. i act all excited but inside, i’m just not looking forward to it. i don’t know what’s come over me. just the other day, Peiwen called me to wish me a belated birthday. it’s been so fucking long since a girl has called me just to talk. it’s been so fucking long that the phone rings for me. it just feels weird picking up the phone and hearing a girl’s voice.

will i ever make it through this period of my life? i don’t know. as of now, i’m just barely surviving.

miss you.

18 more days.

just got back from my second visit to the dentist. spent $55 today on filling up my tooth. got to make another appointment for my wisdom tooth. it’s full of cavities because it’s so deep inside the back of my upper jaw that the toothbrush couldn’t really clean it well enough.

dentistry is pretty interesting. all the drillings, the sandings and the vacuuming. oh what fun!

worked from last night till 5am this morning over my guild’s webpage. glad to say it looked very very decent now.

lots of bugs though. one thing of note is that i used this site as an inspiration on some design elements. most notable is the date, etc. will continue to work on it asap.

okay. went to school today. i finally managed to drag myself to school because i asked Nigel to do something for me. i told him, were i to skip school again today, to bar me from any raids this week. he then said “sure. and also for the next 1 week.” that was like the killer. 2 weeks worth of raids and DKP lost just cause i missed classes? no way.

in other new, i got kind of pissed earlier. i lent my guitar 2 weeks ago to someone from school. today, i went to collect it back. i found it uncovered on a chair. i was fine by it being uncovered. i don’t usually cover it at home anyway. but that means that just about any Tom, Dick or Harry could be using it. well, i’m still alright with that i supposed. but what took the cake with all the toppings and icings was that my guitar case was no where to be found.

fucking hell right? i lent you the guitar with good faith and this is what i get? my guitar being molested by just about anybody and the case gone missing? now, i want that guitar back by tomorrow. either i’m going to bring it back with my case… or i bring it back caseless. if i were to bring it back caseless, that would mean i’m going to take a cab back home… either get me back my case, or prepare to pay me back for a new case and for my transport home.

on a less bitter note, i passed my ECT paper. with flying colours. not that i expected anything less. and just so that i can silence anyone who asks for proof… eat this!

second picture’s just in case you can’t see the score clearly. damn. i feel so damn good. really. i’ve never gotten a full score for a common test paper the whole time in school till now. i’m happy. i really am.

managed to pass my PDP common test. Weishen frightened the hell out of me when he smsed me to say i failed. bloody hell of a time to pull such a prank on me. anyways, managed to pass. since i managed to pass, i guess i owe Weishen lunch. haha!

i’m still pretty much in a holiday mood. haven’t been to school this past 2 days. stayed home to WoW and to play Suikoden V. Suikuden V is a blooding addictive game. the storyline is good.

haven’t been doing much the past week except for WoW and Suikoden V on PS2.

nothing much on my mind too. other than the occasional yearnings to be attached like almost everyone else that i know. life’s pretty much decent enough.

rearranged my room a couple of days ago. my room suddenly seems much larger now.

“DJ-ing” every tuesday evening with Guowei as co-host on Vent.

saving money for my ’self-present’ of another portable external hdd.

26 more days to my birthday.

50 more days till her’s.

had a dream last night. it was sweet. i dreamt i saw Charmaine. somewhere in Suntec. i was with a couple of friends and one of them saw her and he was like “wtf? that’s your ex? how the fuck did someone like you get such a pretty girl like her? since she’s your ex anyway, care to intro her to me?”

anyway, of course i refused. so we just continued walking on and i sorta pretended i didn’t see her. but as luck would have it, she saw me, smiled and walked over. the friend then started getting excited and was like “wtf wtf wtf. she’s coming. if you don’t intro i’ll self intro anyway.”

and then something happened. she walked up to me and kissed me on my lips. and then she said bye and then she walked off. my friend of course went “fuck. did that actually happened? my goodness your ex kissed you on the lips?! i thought once they are your ex it’s hands off and no more kissing? wtf?!”

at that moment, i woke up. and i felt so fucking bad. i fucking miss her. and that isn’t a fucking good sign. am i really that lonely that i would be dreaming of my ex?

finally got myself attuned to Onyxia’s lair. the test of skulls was accomplished with the help of my guild members of course. thanks guys. and now that i’m attuned to Onyxia’s lair and have gotten the key for it, i am able to go for tonight’s Onyxia raid! hahaha! it’s like so damn cool! never been to Onyxia’s lair before.

and speaking of raids, our Molten Core (MC) raid last night was superb! when i left WoW a few months back, we were stuck before Lucifron. we’d be spending an hour gathering enough raid members just to wipe at the core hounds before Lucifron. the nearest we got to Lucifron before i left WoW was where we wiped at the imps.

last night? we got 8 bosses in 5 hours. and Nigel told me that usually, they’d have down Golemagg in 4 hours. last night was too slow for them infact. my goodness. haha! i have definitely missed out alot. now that they have MC on ‘farm’ status, the epic items are dropping like flies for them. cool.

now just waiting for my turn to gather those epics…

this is soon to be a new section on this blog. will be talking about my adventures on Azeroth, albeit not in a RP (Roleplay) fashion. sorta gave up writing RP fiction because no one seems to read them…

omgomgomgomgomg! i’ve just been tagged to do a meme! that’s like super cool cause i’ve never been tagged before to do memes. maybe it’s because i usually am the one who passes ‘memes’ on msn to friends instead of blogging them down. anyway, thanks merv.

4 alcoholic beverages I enjoy from time to time:
1. fermented milk aka yakult
2. jolly shandy
3. rootbeer
4. coke (i get high on coke dammit!)

4 fantastic destinations I would like to go to on vacation before I pass out:
1. Ironforge
2. Orgrimmar
3. Prontera
4. China (so i can beat the crap out of the gold farmers in WoW)

4 celebrities I would like to go on a big date with:
1. Jaina Proudmoore
2. Fiona Xie
3. Kristine Kreuk
4. Bonnie Pink

4 gadgets I do not have, which I would like to have:
1. Real Doll
2. Nintendo Wii
3. NeCoRo
4. Lightsaber

4 “poor souls” tagged:
1. Cassandra
2. Sarah
3. Jeremy
4. Medrio

had so much fun last night on ventrilo. my guild decided to purchase our very own ventrilo server after our shared ventrilo server was ‘hijacked’. not too sure of the details but anyway, here, we have our very own ventrilo server. so damn cool.

anyways, last night, since i’m sorta an admin in the ventrilo, decided to create my own channel and started ‘DJ-ing’ once again. some stupid talkshow with Guowei and some live performance also. me playing the guitar and Guowei singing.

on the whole, it was a night full of crap talking and all that nonsense. oh. and i guess the 13Apostles are regrouping back in WoW. slowly, one by one, all the ‘old fogeys’ are resubscribing. me too. i mean, i won’t consider myself an old fogey but yups. Cassandra, Rin, Ricoz… we’re all slowly coming back. even Haro. hey. even Ken is already playing.

the recent chalet was just so good. although this time when i come back, i will no longer be as hardcore as i was before. this is my final 2 semesters. i want to get good grades and laugh at everyone else. haha! anyways, still downloading the latest patch. 1% more. fuck man. it’s been stuck at 99% since 10am. oh wells. i shall wait patiently. in the mean time, i shall slowly resize and edit the photos. i promise i shall post it up soon.

so… i’m done posting up my video logs.

i’ll work on the photos taken during the chalet. not much too actually. there’s lots of times where i actually forgot that i had a camera. oh wells.

anyways, i’ll do up the photos and i’ll put it up here asap.

just got back from the chalet. i’ll write more about it later. i’ll be posting some video clips aka my very own vlog¹ broadcast. it’s a simple project i decided to undertake on impulse because i didn’t have my laptop with me to blog. i’ll also be posting up some photos. haha!

on the whole, the chalet was fun. it was a good break. i mean, the 13apostles are more than just friends. we’re more than just a guild. in short, we’re family.

i’d like to wish Medrio a happy birthday again. and then I’d like to give Aaron and Nicky a big big thankyou. especially Nicky. although you didn’t know any of us… as a guild, you came and you had fun. to Aaron. even though you were a part of the guild already for quite some time, you’ve only been to one other outing with us. and i wasn’t even there so i didn’t actually get to meet and know you until this chalet.

i’d like to welcome you as a brother and as a fellow apostle. and thanks dude. you were fucking funny. wait till i post the picture of you posing in the bunny hairband. fucking hilarious!

to all… Rin, Wendy, Erica, Astley, Terence, Cassandra, Ken, Haro, Nigel, Mite, Ricoz, Medrio, Guowei, Rand, Nicky, Aaron, KenAoshi, Jun… love you guys. 13Apostles rocks!

1. video blog[↩]

heh. weird. suddenly missing her again. maybe it’s cause of the time and of the music playing. maybe it’s because people i know are getting attached. and i’m sort of missing out on it. maybe it’s cause of my cousin. i don’t know how he does it. within a week of breaking up with one girlfriend, there’s another one.

sheesh. i’m seriously getting annoyed at everything in my life right about now. i don’t rightly know what i’m so annoyed about though. i don’t have the right to be annoyed at anything. well, maybe myself. but really. everything so far has been a blessing. and i really mean everything.

i won’t pretend that every blessing was accepted as such. but well, hindsight always clears up everything.

i miss her. if there was ever anything in the world that i’d ever miss this much, i’d say it’s her presence. i know i keep blogging about this. i know i keep bringing this shit up. but i miss her. i do. but do i want her? as in right now? i don’t know. i know it’ll never work out. we’ve sort of lost contact over 2 years ago. maybe i’ll give her a call sporadically. like maybe on her birthday? or on christmas? but it’s totally different. she’s changed.

but i’ve not. i mean, i’m still the same. i’m still the guy who rushes straight online the minute i get home. i’m still the guy who cooks at home and all that. she on the other hand is different. she’s changed. for the good or bad, it’s not up to me to judge. but she sure has changed. more sophisticated? definitely more beautiful. more street smart. heh.

i don’t know. i don’t know what i’m rambling all about now. just incoherent thoughts being manifested into written words. gosh. how i long for some booze right about now. not to drown my sorrows. i know that much. but to drink myself drunk. to drink myself into a stupor. to drink myself silly until i run into the toilet, puking my guts out. at least i’ll be feeling miserable because of the drink, then because of a girl who has probably forgotten me and who will never know what i’m thinking.

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
and I just keep thinkin’ about the love that we had
And I’m missin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry your smile when I’m broken in two
And I’m nobody without someone like you
I’m tremblin’ inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it’s a quarter past three
I’m screamin’ at night if I’d thought you’d hear me
Yeah my heart is callin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

- “Nobody Knows It But Me”, Tony Rich Project

so. heading for the chalet tomorrow. pretty excited about it. been awhile since i’ve last seen the guys. heh. met with a little trouble though. my cousin was supposed to stay over tonight but he was stuck watching the world cup and now he’s missed the last train and the last bus.

and to make matters worse… he’s totally broke. so that means we have to find money. where are we going to find money in such short notice man??? hah. and to top it off… the bugger was supposed to pay for me this time round because i paid for him at the last chalet. gosh. this is so freaking annoying.

shit. and tomorrow is the chalet itself. supposed to meet Rin at Bishan at 12.30pm. going to have to find a way to get money by then. this is just so… urgh. damn. guess i might just have to borrow from my mum. crap.

updates: woooo! he managed to find money enough for the both of us. haha! bloody hell. how’d he do that, i wonder…

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so. mum’s not cooking again tonight. and that means it’s my turn to cook dinner again. decided to take photos of my cooking. heh. hope the pictures turned out as good as my cooking. it’s like so nice can? there were 2 dishes i cooked. some fried meat and also fried eggs.

first dish

second dish

the aftermath of dinner

the nifty little egg bowl i mentioned.

this was my lunch this afternoon. this bowl of soft boiled eggs with a couple of slices of toast. yummm.

i can’t believe i’m so pathetic. i’ve been trying to ask people out today to accompany me to get my guitar back from school. yet up till now, i haven’t even got a single person. maybe it’s cause i’m rather selective. i don’t call those friends of mine who are attached, whether guys or gals.

no real reason other than the fact that i sort of assume that since it’s the holidays, they’d be out with their significant others. so here i am, looking up my phonebook and figuring out who i can call. i’m also a lazy ass. if i’m not with anyone, i’d rather just stay at home glued to my screen.

yes. i don’t have much of a life.

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korean u-dong noodles. not bad. very nice. this is my lunch. yummm. but for 75cents a packet… it’s kind of expensive…

has anyone ever microwaved eggs before? well, we have this nifty little microwaveble egg bowl. basically, you crack the eggs in it¹, and then set the microwave to around 46secs² and voila! perfect soft boiled eggs. creamy.

but to make hard boiled eggs, we had to do it the old fashioned way. boil it in water for around 5mins or more. and i’m a lazy person. what i did earlier was to dump a whole egg inside the eggbowl, add in water, close it up and put it on the microwave for 1 minute on a high setting. and guess what? perfect hard boiled egg.

now i have discovered a way to cook hard boiled eggs in less time than before. which means easier for me to get back online. haha!

edit: hmm. the 1min setting is wrong. i haven’t actually opened it. and when i did, it’s still mostly liquid. however, 2min setting is wrong too because the egg will burst. it’ll be hard boiled, but it’ll burst. dang. i need to continue experimenting with the time setting later. for now, back to bed.

1. holds up to 2 cracked eggs[↩]
2. if the eggs were straight from the fridge[↩]

this is super hilarious. found this from wongfu productions.

and i like that t-shirt Philip has on. it says:”?????” and man that is just so funny!

i’m a WoW player. or rather, was. currently too broke to continue my subscription. but since i am still technically a WoW player¹, i’m fascinated by things WoW. so, here’s something i found from my guild² forums.

1. Blizzard doesn’t delete your account once it is created. it is just frozen.[↩]
2. The 13 Apostles[↩]

last night was horrible. no. not the bbq. the bbq was not bad. but the aftermath of it was horrible. i lost count of how many shots i’ve had. left around 11pm with Danny. gosh. both of us were like super high. took the train with him till he got off at Woodlands. hope he made it back home okay.

as for myself, i called my cuz to pick me up at Khatib and from there, we took a cab back to my place. if it wasn’t for my cuz… i wonder how i’d have gotten home. i mean seriously, the minute i arrived at Khatib, i already felt like puking. couldn’t walk straight. damn fucking miserable feeling.

when we finally reached my place, i changed out and straight away rushed to the toilet. hah. not a very very good feeling. couldn’t sleep at all. spent the whole night rushing to the toilet to puke my guts out. i think by the time i stopped puking, it was already 6am. from there i slept till an hour ago.

the only times i had gotten drunk as that was when i first started drinking in 1998. got drunk in East Coast with my then-gf, Veronica. hahs. she was one who got me drinking and the one who introduced me to cigarettes. the second time was the second Apostles chalet. hahahaha! that was damn crazy. it was worse than last night. i totally conked out. Rin, Fai and the rest of the them would know. for a moment, i thought i was going to die. and i think the rest thought so too. hahaha!

i’ve got to thank Rin and Fai again for taking care of me that night. and last night? thanks Guowei.

i’m never going to drink that much. heh. i don’t ever want to go through that horrible feeling again.

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May the fleas of a thousand camels infect the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch…

Amen

from here.

woo! spent the whole of yesterday sleeping in. feels so good. now that my papers have already ended and my holidays officially started, i feel so relaxed.

next week, i’ll be away from friday till sunday. chalet with my guild. yay! i’m just feeling so happy. i mean, it’s the holidays. no doubt it’s only 2 weeks but it sure is great. no need to wake up so early in the morning. no need to rush assignments and projects. life’s going to be fun.

so what do i have planned? well, other than the chalet… nothing! just planning to take bus rides around singapore and go snap lots of pictures. haha! oh well. time to go back to bed.

happy birthday jem!

this is hilarious. got it from jem.

yay! just spent 3hrs in school cramming 6 weeks worth of lecture and stuffs into my brain. now if only my brain is using non volatile ram. as it is, i know once my brain is powered down, everything will be erased. shit. i’m not going to sleep tonight.

666. the 6th of june, 2006.

thank God i’m not having my test today or i’ll surely fail. because i have yet to study for it and i intend to go back to school later to cram 6 weeks worth of stuffs into 3 hours just for tomorrow’s paper. haha. lame.

reminds me of the time in JI¹. during the exams, someone’s handphone rang. guess what song was playing? the theme from ‘Titanic’. yep. “My heart will go on”. everyone groaned and said that the paper sure gonna sink as well.

hahs. that was like so damn funny then. it was only after the paper that we realised there was no less than 6 people with the same bloody ringtone. oh. and i was one of them. haha! and it was my phone that rang. one of my ex was wishing me good luck for the paper…

1. it’s a pre-uni centre where i studied at before i entered NS.[↩]

i woke up at 9am earlier from a weird dream. i dreamt i had cancer and that i was dying. that’s where the question from the previous post came from.

the thing was, i was asked that exact question. i can’t remember who asked me. but the thing the person said was, if i knew when i was to die, i WILL die at that exact day/date. but if i didn’t know, i may or may not live past that date. it was something to that extent anyway.

i woke up immediately after that question was posed to me, blogged it down and then went back to sleep. and then i was brought back into the dream. it’s like the guy was waiting for me to give my answer.

after praying about it a while¹ i told the guy that i don’t want to know. i mean, heck. i will die anyway. sooner or later. due to cancer or other natural causes. instead, i’ll just live my life like it’ll end any day and give thanks for each morning i’m awake. why give myself an extra burden? let’s say i know i’ll die tomorrow. what am i going to do? i don’t know. but if i didn’t know i’m going to die tomorrow and i enjoyed myself hard today and i slept with a smile on my face… wouldn’t it be peaceful?

argh. just some weird thoughts. maybe it’s cause tomorrow’s my PDP paper².

1. in my dream…[↩]
2. the module i know nothing about…[↩]

would you want to know your time of death? or would you rather not?

so… mervkwok over at shattered has tagged readers to his blog to do a non-existent meme. okie. actually i have no idea how to forward this meme or anything so i shall just end this post with a quote from merv:

“and so to the rest of you readers, I tag you guys to do this non-existent meme. Now go on and be good little darlings. – mervkwok”

me: hey, do you have iTunes?
me: oh wait.
me: nvm. dumb question.
friend: good.
friend: i was about to slap you.
friend: =P

haha! my friend has an ipod and an ipod nano. he has a mac powerbook. and he’s the self-proclaimed overall genius and ruler of the world¹. and there i was asking him if he has iTunes.

1. go read the comments…[↩]

i had an msn message from Jem earlier, asking me if i’m free on the 10th of june. meaning this saturday. initially, i didn’t really wanna go. i know it’s his birthday bbq and all that and he’s someone i consider a good friend¹. but frankly speaking, i don’t feel comfortable going down for the bbq. it’s going to be the 3rd birthday bbq i’m going and my experience during the previous 2² bbqs i attended weren’t very good at all.

maybe it’s just me. but for that first 2 bbqs, i don’t know why but i always seem to be one of the earliest to arrive. and while it’s usually good to be punctual, when you’re not that close to the birthday boy nor know any of the people there, it’s downright excruciating. and i mean it. at least for Cheehao’s bbq, i did managed to enjoy myself near the end. but for Robin’s? i arrived at 7pm as that’s the time he told me the bbq would be starting. the rest of our class arrived at close to 10pm³. 2 arrived at 11pm. and of the people from my class that he invited, only 6⁴ actually turned up. and everyone else was Robin’s secondary school classmates, cousins, relatives. from 7pm till 9.30pm, i was standing like a fool⁵. cause Robin didn’t introduce me⁶ to anyone cause he was so busy entertaining everyone else. i know he did try to make me comfortable but at that time, all i could think of was just to leave and get back home.

Cheehao’s bbq was still bearable. i shan’t go into details⁷. i did managed to get myself comfortable enough to actually be willing to walk around and talk to people.

so yep. didn’t really want to go down for Jem’s bbq too but well… he’s a good friend and he did invite me. so. i’m going. out of loyalty to a friend.

and with regards about being comfortable… i remember a conversation with the chio one. she told me i should be more ‘myself’. and maybe, that’s why i don’t feel at all comfortable with other people. i’m always afraid of other people judging me, so i try to appear to be what they want to see, rather than be my own self. and maybe that explains why i’m comfortable with the Apostles⁸.

with the guild, i am myself. really weird. i’m myself. i think. or maybe, i’m just more comfortable with how i appear to them. ah wells. anyways, with regards to this saturday, i think i’m going to go down late and leave early. or i could go down early when there’s not much people and then leave early. that’d be good i think. i don’t know. i’m not that much comfortable being with people. and i foresee lots of couples there. and couples makes me even more uncomfortable. yeah.

1. i know him like close to 8 years i think. if i’m not wrong i got to know him in 1999…[↩]
2. Robin’s and Cheehao’s[↩]
3. Aaron arrived at 9.30pm[↩]
4. myself, Aaron, Aaron’s gf, Boon Leong, Shaun, Chin Chuan.[↩]
5. i know i should be the one to start to get to know people. but i am afraid of strangers.[↩]
6. well. i guess on hindsight the onus is on me to go make friends but at that moment, i really didn’t know where to start.[↩]
7. just that as usual, the people i know turned up 2hrs later. if i knew it would have happened, i won’t have arrived so early and i would certainly have left earlier.[↩]
8. my guild, The 13 Apostles[↩]

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First They Came for the Jews

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.

– Pastor Martin Niemöller

something i read on friday when my WISP class was going on about genocide and about the genocide that occurred in Rwanda in 1994.

Suppose a group of Indian foreign workers went around Orchard Road beating locals (read: Chinese) up. Would we call it racism? – Agagooga

yes. in this case, if they only targeted the Chinese, yes it’s a case of racism. why? because it plainly is a case of one race versus the next. yes, there may be an underlying factor. but it’s still considered a hate crime isn’t it? especially if they are only targeting one race.

racism

1: the prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races
2: discriminatory or abusive behavior towards members of another race [syn: racialism, racial discrimination]

one may wonder why i feel strongly about this. to tell the truth, i don’t know why myself. but i was brought up to stand against racism and not be apathetic about it. and i was brought up being friends with people from other races and it is just plain wrong to treat them anything other than fellow humans. and also i’m of mixed parentage. i’m terribly sensitive of racist remarks/comments because one day, i might just be the next to be targeted.

and while i’m still on racism, has anyone ever thought that maybe, “apunehneh” isn’t a proper word? and that it is actually a derogatory term for indians? well, read this entry if you think it is a proper word.

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just read this while blog hopping.

can you believe this happened here in singapore? my class had just recently finished the topic “Prejudice & Discrimination” on our WISP module. and frankly, we never would have thought that racism would have manifested itself in this manner.

singapore a world class city? not until the citizens have learned how to work well with the minority. if it’s not for these foreign workers, would we have our city the way it is today? i think not. considering how alot of our youths¹ today can’t even cook a simple meal for themselves other than instant noodles…

ah. dang. i forgot what was on my mind. feeling hungry after i wrote that line on noodles that i lost where i’m heading on this rant. i’ll continue on later.

oh yea. by the way, anyone watched Hotel Rwanda? that show deals with racial discrimination as well as genocide. the Hutus and the Tutsi. seriously, why’s everyone so afraid of other races? even though we’re all different colours outside, we bleed the same red colour blood and we shit the same smelly shit just like anyone else.

A black man to a white man:

“When I’m born, I’m black
When I grow up, I’m black
When I go in the sun, I’m black
When I’m cold, I’m black
When I’m sick, I’m black
And when I die, I’m still black.

You white fella

When you’re born, you’re pink
When you grow up, you’re white
When you go in the sun, you’re red
When you’re cold, you’re blue
When you’re scared, you’re yellow
When you’re sick, you’re green
And when you die, you’re gray.

And you have the nerve to call me colored???”

1. my younger brother comes to mind…[↩]

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even though i go on alot about getting over her, i don’t think i really have. now that i think about it. i don’t know what’s worse. me not being able to let go, or that she has so easily let go. or that i’m still thinking of her at times. i don’t know. or maybe, i’m just using thoughts of her as a crutch?

it’s always easier to lean back on a wall then to move forward. even though the wall is unfeeling, unresponsive and cold, at least the wall is able to support me. even if it doesn’t know that it is infact supporting me. it is always easier to lean back and think of old memories, no matter how distant, then to try and move forward but stumbling along the way without any support.

i’ve tried to let go. i’ve tried to get to know others. but when i get rebuffed, i would always come back to this spot. i don’t know what i’m thinking or feeling anymore. i want (need?) her. i think. yet i know i should just step forward and not look back. head’s feeling one thing, heart’s feeling another. this blows. totally.

i was with Felicia in the library and she was going through my friendster. out of the blue, she pointed at her pic and asked “hey, isn’t this your ex? gosh she’s so pretty.” and after that, she clicked and viewed the profile. dang. at first there was nothing there. no feelings at all. and then… “hey. it says here her relationship is complicated. is she attached or something?” i told her i don’t know and that i am not bothered but… obviously i am.

argh. i wonder why i often have this kinds of emotional ‘instability’ thing just before my tests or exams. it’s seriously bothering me.

John, your IQ score is 140

The way you think about things makes you a Linguistic Architect. This means you are brilliant when it comes to language and words. You are also very good at understanding things on an abstract level. You are at your best when you put those two skills together to communicate new ideas and see how they fit into different contexts. You understand math and science on a gut level, even if the equations and science don’t come as easily. You can use these skills to be a great communicator or to create a masterpiece.

Take this test!

common tests starts next week. feeling pretty confident with regards to ECT. ECAM’s just alright and i know nothing about PDP¹.

i’m aiming for an AD for ECT. it’s actually possible considering there’s only 7 people in my ECT class. ah well. if i actually get an AD for that module, i think it’d be my first core module getting an AD²…

1. skipping lectures and sleeping during tutorials will do that to anyone[↩]
2. i usually get As and ADs for my electives and IS instead of my core[↩]

just some random pictures taken without any thoughts in my head. just a point and shoot thing.

think again. someone sold a broken laptop on eBay and refused to refund the poor buyer. the buyer has gotten even. check these out.

so for those who intend to do something like this, please think again. and for those who were cheated… pay them back with global humiliation!

decided to work on my fake model photography so click here for another version of my carpark picture.

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come on! give me a break. X3 sucked to the core and now there’s talks of X4? X3 was alright in terms of special effects but the storyline and the plot… gah!!!

after chatting with Samantha a few days back on the joys of sharing music (legally…), i’ve begun to actually actively notice other people’s iTunes and been finding lots of good music. one band i heard and i liked is ‘Better than Ezra”. another is “Default”. i can’t remember the songs i heard though i did managed to keep track of the bands. damn.

any of you have good bands to intro?

i can’t help but feel so damn disappointed with the x-men movies. in this post, i’ll try my best not to reveal anymore spoilers. but urgh. let’s first talk about the team. in the final movie, there’s a scene nearing the final showdown where Bobby (or was it Kitty?) that said “there’s only 6 of us”. the 6 meaning Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, Beast, Shadowcat and Iceman. gosh. there’s only 6? granted, Cyclops is dead and Jean has turned to the Pheonix but what about the rest? Rogue left the team for the Cure. Nightcrawler wasn’t around. no Jubilee, Gambit and a few others i have forgotten about.

and with Professor X dead, this truly seems to be the end of the X-men. the movie just isn’t canon. what happened to the Sentinels? what happened to Bishop and Cable and Apocalypse? X-men fans would know about these characters. but for the casual movie fans, the x-men stops here. how would they ever know about Apocalypse? even though the final movie showed the Sentinels, it was only shown near the beginning, in the danger room where Storm and Wolverine were training the rest of the team. how would the casual fans know that huge robot is a sentinel?

urgh. ah well. nevermind me. just ranting. the first movie was good. the second movie was alright. but this final movie just spoiled things. gah.

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so. i met up with the guys and discussed about the upcoming chalet. after that, we caught X-Men: The Last Stand. boy. was i ever disappointed. it’s okie with regards to the effects and all that but the story… it’s just… hmm. it’s stupid.

updates: ooops. sorry to all who visited. decided to “hide” the spoilers.

Read the rest of this entry »

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a first attempt at taking fake model photography. please click to enlarge.

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right after i was berating myself over my stupidity… i thought of the times i made such stupid mistakes. blatant stupid mistakes. and then i thought of her. really weird how my mind links stuffs up. anyway, i need to be wary that i do not become bitter over this. it’s so damn easy to get bitter and hung up over stuffs like this. especially if others got the things i wanted and not me.

oh wells. now that i didn’t get into the union, i can see that there really is nothing holding me back. come on. to be frank, i’m selfish. i wanted to help out the union etc, just because i had thought there might be a chance for me to be in the exco. now that it’s over and i didn’t get in due to my own stupidity, is there any reason i might still want to hang around the union?

i don’t know. i truly don’t know. maybe i’d stay for the friends i made there? but really. what friends? in striving to be brutally honest, i know i might piss some people off. but i still have to say it. what friends? what friends have i made from the union? apart from Caili and maybe Angeline, also maybe Alvin Goh, there’s no one i can truly call a friend in the union. a friend implies someone whom one knows, likes and trusts. a person whom one knows is an acquaintance.

there’s jem too. but jem isn’t someone i got to know through the union. so yep. there isn’t really anyone or anything that makes me beholden to the union. so i guess it’s goodbye? maybe. sure if they need help they can always call on me. but i guess that’s it. ah fuck. i can already feel myself getting bitter over this. i mean it’s just a stupid alphabet. fuck. this is not good.

fuck man. my application for the union was voided because i missed out the alphabet of my student number. this sucks. throughout my whole life in ngee ann, i never had to key in or input that alphabet anywhere. how the fuck am i suppose to know i needed to put it on the application form too? i mean really… this sucks.

shit. this sucks lah. i mean i can’t fault the system. i was supposed to fill in the student number. just that the form didn’t state explicitly to put in the alphabet too. so yeah. in a way, it’s my fault. this sucks.

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i emailed NUS awhile back regarding admissions to the school of medicine. i asked if an applicant who is at least 25 years of age with at least 4 years of experience working as a paramedic and who holds a polytechnic diploma is eligible to apply for the school of medicine. this is the response i got:

Thank you for your interest in NUS.

Yes, you may apply for admission based on the above qualifications and working experiences under Category C (Mature Students). Please refer to the website for more information at http://www.nus.edu.sg/oam/apply/catc/

We hope this information is useful to you. Thank you and have a nice day!

damn. haha! i guess this means that at this stage, my plan seems to be feasible. only thing different is instead of flying back to the philippines to try and enter medical school, i at least have a chance here in singapore. oh yeah!

to become old and wise, you must first be young and stupid…

been watching quite abit of animes lately. although it’s an old anime, Scrapped Princess’ still good. recently watched Fate/Stay Night till episode 20. not bad. third series of anime i’m watching is Guyver: The Bioboosted Armor. not bad too. a much more decent remake of an old manga series.

haven’t been doing or talking much lately. the animes have consumed me. haha! oh wells. it’s sunday night and soon, another week will end and a new one come. time sure flies fast when you aren’t aware of it. my common tests would be in another 2 weeks and after that, the 2 week break.

tomorrow’s already the start of the 5th week and come to think of it, i’m already bored with everything. i wonder what i’d do if i don’t get into the student union. i mean, i generally don’t have much to do with the union. if i don’t get in, it’s no loss isn’t it? anyway, thinking of these things which does nothing is pointless.

changed the curtain in my room today. looks so much better now. the room i mean. need to find one day for me to revamp my room. paintjob and all. although i doubt i’d really do it. considering i haven’t exactly revamped my site…

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if you guys aren’t squeamish, you might want to take a look at her blog. there’s this entry where she posted pictures of a dissected mouse in her course. warning. not for the squeamish. and i mean it. it’s like totally gross. i looked at it while i was eating lor mee. regretted it instantly. but oh wells.

whew. finally managed to finish my WISP project. didn’t manage to sleep till this morning 5am. woke up at 8am to do more touching up. my class starts at 10am today. in the end, i took a cab to school because i didn’t manage to finish till 9am. crap. spent around $15 this time. i’m seriously broke.

MR starts at 1pm later today. i don’t think i’ll be able to come down later for rugby afterall because i have an appointment at around 4pm. need to go check out stuffs at the Philippine Embassy.

anyway, with regards to my WISP project, i’ll try to upload it later when i get home. it’s not really that good or anything but i am proud of it. although of course, i’m sure it certainly pales in comparison to FMS students.

found out early this morning that today’s the last day to hand in the nomination form for the union’s exco. managed to get Alvin Goh to run together with me for our department. hope it’s a walkover.

in other news, i managed to complete the WISP project. finished taking the video but the editing sucks.