Inaction

Velleity (noun): a wish or inclination not strong enough to lead to action.

I recently came across this word and I could not believe just how much this actually describes what I am currently experiencing.

My previous post was about my difficulties in finding a job in ESOL. After coming across that word, I wonder if my difficulties are actually difficulties or just excuses.

A good friend asked me a year or so ago what were my plans. I told him I have not made any plans as I have not completed my degree. I am now an exam away from completing my degree and I still have no plans. I have dreams. But dreams without actions will only remain as dreams.

Unfortunately, even though I have these dreams of teaching ESOL overseas, I have no real call to action. I am afraid.

I am afraid I am not good enough. I am afraid of failure. Why bother when I am safe where I am?

Fear has paralysed me.

I will get out of this rut I am in. Step by step.

Word. By. Word.