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lost yet again.

Tuesday, 24th November 2009 @ 11:03pm in work | No comments

i’m confused. again. i’m always getting confused. it’s so not funny. one of the things i am thinking of is how incompatible my work is with my church responsibilities. i have choir on sundays as well as Mass. i have praise and worship on mondays and if i’m not mistaken, i may need to attend the core group meeting on tuesdays.

from next year onwards, i will also be serving as a catechist on saturdays. this means that out of 7 days, i’ve got something on in church on 4 days. it’s evening so in the afternoons, i can still run for my appointments and meetings and stuffs but come on. most of my appointments are in the evenings.

although if i have to be really honest with myself, i don’t have much appointments anyway. almost all my cases now are from my warm markets and i am able to arrange to meet them after church or things like that. i need more cases. i need more appointments. i need to be doing more than just surviving.

i don’t know if i can make it in this industry. i’ve been here for more than a year already but i am still not bringing in a decent income. something is not right. i love this job. i really do. but loving this job doesn’t give me the income. the cases and appointments do. which i am sadly lacking.

which all comes back to my callings and my leads. heh.

where’s my breakthrough?

Wednesday, 4th March 2009 @ 11:20pm in work | No comments

heh. i need a breakthrough. i’m still struggling and i don’t know how long i can hang on. it’s funny. i’ve been in this line for almost 7 months. usually, those who would quit would have quit way before the 6th month. so it’s pretty obvious i’m not a quitter. yet i just can’t seem to bring in cases.

is it because i have no motivation? or is it a case of lack of confidence? either way, i’m kind of stuck in a rut. my team members aren’t helping matters. they’re either not around or… well. they’re not around. when they are around – which is a rare occurrence – we do try to motivate each other and push each other to canvass and approach.

it’s like a repeat of my FYP. my team members are either always late or not around. and it sucked. and what happened was my grades got pulled down to a C. i don’t know how to bring it up to my manager because frankly, what can she do? it’s not like she hasn’t talked to them before.

this is the thing about this job. unlike other jobs, your survival in this job depends very much on your own focus and on your own mindset. this is both the good thing and the bad thing about this job. because of it’s flexible nature, we tend to do things on our own time. but because it’s very much dependent on our focus and mindset, it’s also very easy to slow down and drop out of the race altogether.

my manager always said that the hardest thing about this job isn’t the canvassing or the pulling of sitdowns or the closing of cases. she said the hardest thing in this job is snapping out of the depression and the negative thinking. and i kind of fear i’m dropping back into that cycle.

it’s already the 4th of March. my goal is to hit S$42000API by 25th April. current shortfall is about S$37000API. long way to go. i need help. and i have nowhere to turn to. canvassing during the roadshow is my only avenue and i am feeling rather desperate because so far, i’m going nowhere.

Boss always said that failing is a habit. i agree. because i’m finding it easy to just give up. but i will not. because i know i can do it.

Motivation

Friday, 27th February 2009 @ 12:51am in life, work | No comments

i want to achieve Fast Track by end April. however, i have a small problem. i have no motivation. everyday, i have just been procrastinating and watching time past me by.

that’s not how i envisioned myself this year. i had so many goals to achieve. Fast Track, MYC, A&H, QC and even QCE. however, with each passing day, all i am doing is making excuses for myself. i need to snap out of this. i have been opening cases but to be brutally honest with myself, it’s not the number of cases opened that counts. it’s the number of cases closed!

it’s already the 27th of February. 1 more day before it’s March. i will run the race. i have to.

value added services

Thursday, 12th February 2009 @ 8:25am in work | No comments

i need to start charging fees for my “value-added” services. for example, giving Jennifer wake up calls in the morning. heh.

anyway, my performance during the roadshow for the past few days was terrible. it’s totally unlike my previous roadshow performances. no doubt my previous roadshows didn’t really have much cases closed but damn. this time i will readily admit it was appalling.

for one thing, my approaches weren’t as much as the time. another thing is that my leads collected were dismal. i seem to have motivational issues. no sense of extreme urgency even though i know i do need to fight for my survival. it’s as if my situation isn’t dire enough…

Wanting something isn’t enough

Saturday, 24th January 2009 @ 12:32am in life, work | No comments

one of my favourite quotes comes from xkcd, a webcomic i frequent.

turns out wanting something doesn’t make it real.

and it’s true. it’s not enough to want something. you actually have to get off your butt to do something about it. i’ve always been a passive guy. but lately, there’s just something which clicked inside my brain telling me that it’s time for me to do something.

i have a goal this year. i want to hit Fast Track. on top of that, i want to hit Macau and also MYC Beijing as well as this year’s A&H challenge. last year, i wanted to hit A&H as well as my PPS. couldn’t hit it due to poor planning. all i thought of was “i want to hit” but i didn’t think of the “how” and the “by when”.

this year, it’s different. having learnt from a number of mentors, i am determined to make my mark this year. where there is a will, there will always be a way. as long as you desperately want something and actually are doing something to achieve it, breakthroughs will happen.

there will be a breakthrough.

however, before the breakthrough can be achieved, there need to be a couple of important ingredients: strategy, planning, desperation, determination. with a proper planning and a proper strategy, a person who is desperate and determined enough will achieve whatever he has set his eyes on.

Courage

Wednesday, 21st January 2009 @ 10:49pm in life, work | 2 comments

i’ve been missing in action for the past 20 days. loads of stuffs to do and loads of stuffs to think about. went to Kuala Lumpur for my organization’s annual general meeting. 3 days and 2 nights at the palace of the golden horses. supposedly a 5 star hotel. it was not a bad trip. first overseas trip with the organization and even though it’s not one of the incentive trips, it was fun nevertheless. have resolved to strive to hit the incentive trips.

anyway, while canvassing this afternoon, i realised that there exists a very strong wall. this wall is so strong that nothing can bring it down unless it is ready to be broken. that wall is around everyone’s mind. it’s called a mind block. everyone has one. no one can claim to be open minded because for everyone, there will be something that will hinder them and that hindrance usually is of a mental state of mind.

for example, i spoke to a friend earlier this evening, inviting him to come down for a job interview and trying to recruit him. immediately, he told me he can’t do this sort of job and that being a financial consultant is not his cup of tea. i mean, for goodness’ sake, he hasn’t even tried.

the same thing with me i guess. i tried hard to canvass. but somehow, i just couldn’t do it. and when i finally did start approaching people, i just couldn’t get them to stop or to sit down with me. it’s all a matter of confidence. or in my case, the lack of it. i don’t know why but i just am not confident enough. is it because i lack the knowledge? that couldn’t be the case because i have one of the best mentors around. so what is it?

until i know, i don’t think i’ll be able to be confident. yet, if i keep thinking i am not confident, i’m sure i will never hit my goals for this year. catch 22 or not? i know the solution is simple. but things are always easier said than done. funny. i always thought i was made of stronger stuffs than this. hah! for someone who is cool and calm in life or death situations, this should be nothing. but as it is, i’m reduced to a cowering turkey.

oh wells. tomorrow will be a new day and tomorrow, i will be better. as Winston Churchill said, “Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts.”

setting deadlines

Saturday, 6th December 2008 @ 11:33am in work | No comments

decided to give myself a fixed deadline. and i’m writing it down too so that it will make me take notice. i’m giving myself till the end of january. initially, i thought of giving myself till the end of december but it’s not enough time. moreover, i want to experience agm.

so. concrete plans? i need to hit S$40,000API by the end of december. this is to give me a basic commission of at least S$1,000 a month. that would be sufficient. if i do not hit $40,000API by end of december, i hope to achieve at least something substantial by end of january.

in my previous job, i was drawing a very very comfortable salary. the only problem with that is no matter how hard i work, i won’t be getting any other incentives or pay rise. with my current job, the harder i work, the higher my pay will be. the thing i am facing is… i am putting in effort. i am working as hard as i can. i just can’t seem to bring in the bloody sales. without any sales, how the heck can i justify the effort i am putting in?

it just doesn’t make sense. like what boss mentioned, it doesn’t make sense for me to be here if i do not intend to draw a better salary than what i used to draw. therefore, i will give it 2 more months. i will work till i drop and i will do the best i can. after that, i’m off if i cannot see any growth.

keeping options opened

Thursday, 4th December 2008 @ 2:14pm in work | No comments

received yet another call from yet another agency that’s representing Manulife. decided to give it a go. kind of. i’m not growing where i am. mostly because of my own mind blocks and all that. or is it the atmosphere? i don’t know. but whatever the case, decided to agree to their interview session just to finally make the phone stop ringing.

anyway, it’s always better to keep my options opened. so my session with them would be held on the 22nd of December. it’s the only time free i have with every week booked for roadshows. honestly, i don’t expect anything. i don’t want to jump ship because of some personal reasons though. i don’t want to have to take the time to make friends all over again. besides, it’s not like jumping ship would break my mind blocks yeah?

so anyway, it’s settled. have a date with Manulife on the 22nd of December. 2 dates. 2 different agencies. let’s see what will happen.

flying off after all

Sunday, 23rd November 2008 @ 6:46am in life, work | 1 comment

the funeral will be held this coming friday on the 28th of November. decided to go after all. will be flying off on wednesday night. will land in the philippines on thursday morning. it’s a very easy choice to make. one which i was thinking about last night.

i can only see my grandma this last time. even if my shortfall is still very big, it doesn’t mean fuck if i hit my goal and never see her again. so i’m going. told my mum about the problem i am facing. she told me very simply: “resign.”

she asked: “even if you don’t take the time to come back and visit your grandma, do you think you will hit your goal of S$20,000API? do you think it will give you back your EP?”

when i told her that i may or may not, that i would never know until i try, she said that what’s certain is if i don’t go back, i will never see my grandma again. she’d rather i resign than not take this chance to pay my last respects.

while i certainly want to remain behind to really fight for my goal1, i don’t have the heart to argue with my mum. not now. she did gave me an ultimatum though. if i don’t hit my year end goal by the end of december, it’s time for me to go. she reminded me that that was my original promise to her. that if i don’t start to see cases flowing in, i would resign by end december.

i don’t know. just seems that the pressure has gone higher. maybe it’s for the better. maybe this time i will really work that much harder to see the cases come in. i don’t want to leave this industry. i love what i am doing and i have made friends. i am tired of having to keep uprooting myself.

  1. i have been fighting but no matter how i fight, it just doesn’t seem enough.[↩]

Protected: Time’s running out

Thursday, 20th November 2008 @ 11:46pm in work | Enter your password to view comments

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Protected: Passion or Survival?

Wednesday, 19th November 2008 @ 11:34pm in life, rants, work | Enter your password to view comments

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i will survive.

Saturday, 8th November 2008 @ 6:45am in work | No comments

even though i said i will not worry… i still ended up tossing and turning in bed. didn’t exactly slept well at all but there’s really nothing i could do. i know full well when i signed up that the first few months are the defining period. all the EP did for me was to be a buffer. turned out that buffer was more a hindrance as i was using it as a crutch.

with the EP, i kept thinking i have a year to go and i could take things slowly. without the EP… if i don’t do anything drastic or change what i am doing, i will sink. heh. even though Jean said she will not let me sink as long as i were to just do as she says, frankly, if i don’t change my focus or just fucking sweep away all the mindsets, i will sink.

it’s finally hit home that i need to fight for my survival. i guess this is where i find out whether or not i’m the ground coffee beans or am i a carrot. i survived NS and ‘O’ levels. i survived a painful break up. i will survive this. and guess what? i will enjoy myself too.

do… or die.

Friday, 7th November 2008 @ 11:35pm in work | No comments

woke up feeling damn bloody miserable. thought i was going to die. heh. throat was totally sore and my voice was kinda raspy. it did get better as the day wore on but my throat itched constantly. was looking forward to resting in the morning before having to get my butt down to Forum to meet up with Joanne Ang.

then just a little after 8.45am, Jean called to tell me that my coaching session with boss is still on. was contemplating whether or not to get an MC but decided to head down to the office anyway. took a panadol to help preempt any headache and then cabbed down. damage done by cab? $15.

after the coaching, went straight home to take more medicine before cabbing down to Forum. heh. this is where things got interesting. i was kind of wondering why Joanne would be asking me if i’m free. usually, people wouldn’t be calling a financial consultant out unless they are already the client of the consultant. silly me. i didn’t realised she had an agenda. turns out, Joanne was from Amway.

she and her upline did the whole presentation. i have to admit the presentation was well done. i probably could use something similar to present to my prospects. very needs based. concept was well thought of. however, i wasn’t interested. for one thing, i used to be a member of Amway. i never did subscribe into the whole MLM thing though. the only reason why i signed up for Amway in 2003 was because i like the products. i signed up only to get the member’s discount.

anyway, it was a wasted day and the total damage done by cab today was about $30. not only was i not able to do a presentation, i was the one at the receiving end of one.

oh. and it gets better. i just received a call from Jean. guess what? heh. seems that i may not be able to collect this month’s EP after all. no more basic pay of $2000. well. i guess that’s that. in a way, it’s both good and bad. good in that there’s no longer a crutch i can count on. i will now sink or swim.

it’s do or die. i told myself i will not leave this industry. so now… it seems i have to walk the walk instead of just talking. i have always been running away from things. now’s the time to just fucking stay and fight. i shall take it one step further. i shall do. or die trying. either way, it’s time to get my head out of the sand.

although to be honest, i’m actually afraid. seriously, when Jean broke the news to me, i was speechless. you know how sometimes, you’d just want to laugh hysterically at things when you receive a news you can’t take? well… that was what happened. she said “have a good night’s rest yah?” and my response?

“haha. urm. a good night’s rest? after that news? haha! okay.”

haha. yes. haha. a good night’s rest huh? i don’t know how i am going to have a good night’s rest. even now, i’m sort of just typing randomly. rambling on and on. i want to stop typing but if i were to stop typing, i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

i shall go play the guitar. i wish i have a drum set.

when you have reached rock bottom, there is no way to go but up. i wish i have hit the bottom already. my only fear is that i have a ways more to drop.

life is for living.

Wednesday, 5th November 2008 @ 12:24am in life, work | No comments

what is life for? life is for living. and to live, one must get out of one’s comfort zone. only then can we truly say we have lived and are alive. one of the reasons why i am still here is because i know this job will help me achieve a personal breakthrough.

i’m not someone who’s very sociable. in fact, whenever i have to go out and canvass, i am wrestling with my inner demons. i have to wrestle with myself every single day to canvass. sometimes i win, sometimes i lose. but lately, i seem to be winning more often. it’s not enough though. i know it’s not enough. i want to achieve more. but i’m a little bit too laid back. i need to be more assertive.

a lot of times, i’ve been asking myself “is this the right job for me? i’m too shy to canvass and too shy to do cold callings. what can i do in this industry?” and then i think back to my one strength. and just what is that? it’s my passion for this industry and my passion for people. heh. while i was still attending the youth ministry, the slogan was “Passion for souls; Passion for God.” i’m now just channeling the same passion to something a little bit more tangible and a little bit more immediate.

i sincerely believe that what i am doing is beneficial to people. my only problem is i lack the knowledge to let them see the need. heck. i myself didn’t see the need until i came into this industry. i only hope i can reach out to more people.

i will do better tomorrow. i have to. i have something to prove.

cold vs warm

Monday, 3rd November 2008 @ 12:15am in life, rants, work | No comments

this is one of the times where i am actually envious of those who have strong ties with friends. i used to think that not having friends isn’t really a problem. i mean look at me. what friends do i have? not much really. i don’t need many. i just need real good ones.

the way things are going though… i’m actually wishing i have more acquaintances. i’m actually wishing my network was larger. and i actually regret the fact that i’m not much more sociable.

i don’t have much people i could call to set appointments with. no appointments means no activities and no activities means i am not going to be closing any cases any time soon. and that sort of sucks. i’m also not very good with building rapport with my cold market. while my manager is very good at follow ups, i’m not. and it sucks a lot.

anyway, i don’t intend to rant about my friends or the lack of them. i admit i suck at building ties. so it’s not really their problem. just needed to vent my frustration. anyways, i trust God has a way of making things come together. i just wish clients would drop from the sky for now.

things i learnt from the road show

Monday, 27th October 2008 @ 11:31pm in life, work | No comments

this week is the dawn of a brand new week. over the weekend, after having gone through my first ever road show, i have thought about things and this is what i have decided.

firstly, as per Simon Tong’s suggestion of closing at least a S$2000 api case a week, i will make it a personal challenge to close at least S$2400 api every week. S$2400 api translates to S$200 a month. not something too hard now right? especially when i know i have people who will be willing to support me. thank you Angeline1 and James2 for giving me your support that week. people often talk about financial consultants running away and resigning… but people also forget to realise that if you do not support us, if no one supports us… we really have no means of surviving. much as i want to stay here in this line for at least 10 years, it’s really your support that actually ensures we stay at least that long. so once again, thank you.

next thing i learnt is, a lot of times, when i canvass, i make the mistake of letting people go when they say they are busy. during my time at the road show, i realised that as long as one is persistent and one is sincere, people will be open. of course there will always be the one or two people who are seriously rude. they will just ignore us and pretend we are not there or they will give us dirty glares like we are nothing better than dirt.

third? smile. smile. smile. be sincere, be cheerful. and smile. nothing will melt an icy person faster than a sincere smile.

another thing is also to be honest. and sincere. and open. really really feel the passion and conviction in what you are doing. people can feel it. if you are not sincere, please leave the industry. it’s people who are not sincere that are ruining everything for the rest of us who really wants to provide the best service.

finally… and this is what Jean taught me. be confident. as long as you are sincere and confident that the product or plan you have recommended for your client is really what is good for them, you don’t have to worry about anything. sure, the client may decide that hey, he or she may not need this particular thing at the moment but it is really up to us to stick with our recommendation and let them know why. if they still insist, then do what they want. but always anticipate their needs and do try to get them to see the reason.

there are more i have learnt but i will not be writing them down now. i’m off to bed and tomorrow will be another day.

  1. you know, when you and Xavier came that day, you two really brightened up my day.[↩]
  2. bro, i know you won’t know about my blog but thanks anyway[↩]

financial consulting…

Friday, 25th July 2008 @ 11:18pm in life, work | No comments

just had a rather insightful question. i have a friend who’s also a financial consultant. was talking to him on msn when he asked me a few questions. “why did you join this line? what is the motivation that made you come into this line?”

to be honest, when i first thought of this line, i thought of the money. however, after going through the training courses, i realised one thing. the masses need education. financial consultants are NOT insurance salesmen.

even though our products are essentially insurance products, they are designed for your peace of mind. they are designed to help you to be financial secure. as someone who used to be an ambulance
medic, i have seen people being in accidents. i have seen people dying. although my experiences then was mostly on trying to give medical help to the injured, i can’t help but share in the grief when someone dies.

there was a case i attended to. the father was involved in a car accident and he passed away. although i didn’t really involve myself with the family affairs or anything, i did overhear one thing. the father was the sole breadwinner. his wife was a chinese national and a housewife who doesn’t know how to speak english. they had a 3 year old daughter. all i could think of was, how were they going to survive?

i don’t know what happened to them after they left the hospital. i don’t even know if the father had insurance coverage. what i do know however is that if the father had insurance, they could at least have some relief even if it’s only for a while.

someone told me when i called her that she doesn’t need insurance now. that’s true. but what happens if and when she needs it? it’s too late isn’t it? but that’s how we are i guess. we always think that things won’t happen to us. but what happens if one day, something does happen? are we prepared? are we covered?

i want to be able to help people. i’ve always wanted to be a doctor. failing that, i thought being in the paramedical line would be good enough. now? if i can help someone through the planning of his or her finances and through proper education of how and what an insurance product can do to help them, i think it’s good enough.

a chapter ends

Thursday, 13th March 2008 @ 11:27pm in life, work | No comments

today marks the end of a chapter.

after tomorrow’s final clearance, i’ll no longer be a TECH employee. mixed emotions. on one hand, i’m glad to have left. i feel stifled there. unmotivated. but on the other hand… it’s my first permanent job. i’ve had part time jobs and temporary positions but it’s the first time ever that i’m working for life. it’s ironic that i resigned after four and a half months though.

it’s like having your first love or your first kiss. it’s an experience that you won’t forget and for better or worse, it will shape my views and perceptions on how working life is. and it taught me one important thing. make sure you thoroughly research the job scope carefully. i didn’t and i paid for it by losing interest.

to VT, dude. you’re one hell of an SM. i’ve never had an SM before but still… i’ll be putting others to the benchmark you’ve set for me until i find a better one. for one thing, i’ve never heard of anyone in an upper management position actually willing to get down and dirty with the guys in the fab. oh sure. maybe there’s some would go into the fab to look-see. but when you mentioned that day that you want to try out fixing up the STB… whoa. respect dude.

to the rest of my colleagues from “C” and “D” shift… thanks for making my two months in shift worthwhile. sure. sometimes i think you guys are full of bullshit. but hey, it’s all fun huh?

to my makan kakis… guys. remember to call me out for lunch or dinner when you’re off.

to the rest of my wave… hey. you guys made my first two months in TECH enjoyable. too bad after wave training, we kind of lost touch. anyway, take care and have fun!

and thus, the chapter ends.

extension (ii)

Friday, 7th March 2008 @ 10:54pm in life, work | No comments

updating on my previous post, i’ve handed in another resignation letter. this time stating that my last day is a week from today. heh. that means next week, i will only work on wednesday and thursday would be my clearance date.

can’t wait for next week.

Sick Leave

Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 9:19am in life, work | No comments

am home on sick leave today. woke up having diarrhea. went to the gents 6 times in an hour and a half. usually i’d self medicate but since i had gone to see the doc yesterday with regards to my recent shortness of breath and skin allergy, i thought it may be because of an allergy to the medications i was given.

turned out it isn’t the medicine. the doctor said it could be something else so he gave me mc for today. that’s nice. i only have to work 2 days this week then instead of the 3 days i’m supposed to work. although next week, i’ll still have to work 4 days. bleh.

in other news, it’s already the 21st! payday’s coming soon. i’m already broke. while i initially told myself i’ll save up money to get myself a mac pro by this june, i think i’m not going to be able to keep that resolution. it’s already nearing the end of February and i’m not even close to half of the amount needed for the mac pro.

will have to wait for news from NTU/MOE.

28.5

Monday, 18th February 2008 @ 9:25pm in work | No comments

i did 28.5 hours of overtime this month. wow.

long or short?

Monday, 18th February 2008 @ 6:01pm in work | No comments

“kor? it’s 4.50pm already. you’re working later?” my brother said, while waking me up from a sound sleep.

“huh? wha? uh, what’s today’s date? and uh, what’s the day today?” i replied groggily.

i was on OT last night and i got home this morning around 10.45am. days of the week no longer held much meanings for me. the days blurs into each other as i work my shifts. my only reference of time is more or less knowing whether this week is short week or long week.

long weeks are when i work 4 days and rest 3 days and short weeks are when i work 3 days and rest 4 days. heh. i love short weeks. this week happens to be a short week. oh yes. work this week starts on thursday.

“hello! systems helpdesk, how may i help you?”

Sunday, 17th February 2008 @ 12:10pm in work | No comments

“Jay! EL’s on MC today” said N.

“you sure? if she’s on MC, who’s doing automation today? S’s on leave. i’m not certified to do automation or hallway. if M does either one, i’m screwed either way. MR’s not certified for hallway and he’s not an automation guy… fuck this lah.”

i mentioned in this post that i’m no longer doing hallway support. instead, i’m to learn automation support and helpdesk. however, to date, i’ve only managed to undergo 1 day of training. EL, my automation trainer, is on MC yesterday. she was on MC the day before as well.

M doesn’t like to do automation support even though he knows how to. he prefers hallway. the day before, he grudgingly did automation because it was a friday and our supervisor was around. yesterday, being a saturday where no supervisors were around, he pushed the automation support back to me. in truth, i can’t do hallway or automation yet as i’m neither certified nor fully trained in both areas.

nevertheless, thank God i made it through that day alright.

damn STBs (ii)

Friday, 1st February 2008 @ 11:35pm in work | 1 comment

got home at 10.40pm tonight. earliest i’ve ever been home since starting my day shift. so, today was a busy day. although to say it was busy is an understatement. a few things happened today. firstly, STB installation. it’s done. sort of. one more STB left. but that can’t be helped. there was only 4 of us today. CL, S, M and myself.

heh. was a bit pissed off at MK earlier. ever since L told S that i’m not supposed to do error recovery alone as i’m not certified yet, S hasn’t been handing stuffs for me to do alone. apparently, MK didn’t know that. so today at 10am, MK handed me his MU and asked me to handle operations as he wanted to “help” in STB installation. truth is, he just didn’t want to handle operations. moreover, he’d be handling operations alone as me, S and M had to do the installation work.

when S told him that i’m not allowed to go alone yet, MK grudgingly took back the main pager and the MU. however, at 11am, he handed me the MU again and said he’s going for lunch. no choice then. had to handle operations. thank goodness there was no errors at all. i thought that was the end of that. guess what? at 4.30pm, he said he’s going for his tea break. and who’s the one who had to cover again? me. at 5.50pm, all hell broke loose. an OHT vehicle broke down at the central overhead track of the fab. when a vehicle breaks down or hangs at that track, it’s like a car suddenly broke down in the middle of the PIE. a massive jam lasting over 20mins occurred.

wouldn’t have been that bad actually had i known what to do. but because i had to go and look for S to help, that vehicle caused a few near collisions and that took the whole track down. heh. thank goodness we managed to get it solved before any other major stuffs happened.

and then came a surprising news.

so far, i’m not satisfied with what i’m doing. then again, all i have been doing is just error recovery.

i wrote the above in a previous post. guess what? think the MAN up there heard me and decided to play a little game. as of next week, i’m no longer doing hallway error recovery. i’ll be doing automation helpdesk and support. basically, i become an engineer’s lackey.

heh. actually, the truth is, i’m going to do software support. it’s more like an engineering assistant thingy. like i’ll handle stuffs ranging from SQL problems to software application bugs, etc. more often than not, after the initial round of troubleshooting, i’m supposed to escalate the stuffs to the duty engineer. the troubleshooting step is just so that the engineer has one less step to do.

engineer’s job for a technologist’s pay. someone’s getting shortchanged here and it’s not the company!

damn STBs

Thursday, 31st January 2008 @ 11:37pm in work | No comments

just got back home. OT till 10pm today. took the train and the bus today instead of taking a cab. heh. scheduled to OT this sunday too. if i’m not wrong, i may have to OT again tomorrow night.

and i was right. today’s been another super busy day. installation of STBs took up the entire day and we still haven’t even finished installing the STBs for the entire bay. the bay had 56 STBs and all we managed to do today was 28. total number of people that were involved in the installation? there was M, S, CL, YF and myself. that’s 5 of us. KL came by at around 6 to help out. my section manager dropped by around 8pm to help out too.

heh. i’ve a newfound respect for my section manager. he actually came down and helped to install. granted, all he did was help to install about 3 or 4 but still, he’s better than my supervisor who didn’t even show up to even check if we were having difficulties. i mean, alright. my supervisor may have been busy or something cropped up or whatever. however, the least he should do is come down and check once in a while or something.

maybe i’m a bit harsh. i haven’t actually seen my supervisor since the previous month, i was on the night shift and the supervisor isn’t on during the night. it’s only my second day doing day shift so i guess i should lay off a bit. heh. anyway, real new respect for VT. imagine a section manager actually coming down and handling the nitty gritty work. at least now he knows our difficulties.

tomorrow promises to be even more busy. YF wouldn’t be around tomorrow. in fact, it was a last minute OT thing for him today as he’s on a different shift. KL too. KL ended work around 6pm and that’s when he came to help out.

first day shift

Wednesday, 30th January 2008 @ 11:46pm in work | No comments

today’s my first day shift and boy… do i hate it. was so busy today. tomorrow promises to be even more so. actually, i just got back home not too long ago.

had to OT. there were some problems with an equipment and my supervisor wanted me to explain just what happened and what i did to recover the error. explained here and there and it turns out, neither of us actually understood the other. he kept saying that i was wrong and that i didn’t understand the error. however, what i understood was what exactly happened.

i mean seriously! come on. i was there at the scene and i was the one talking with the operator. all i did was just relay what the operator said. how the heck would i know if it’s not the exact thing that happened or not? for one thing, my trainer wasn’t with me at the scene. again. and why? cause it was supposed to be the “common error” that he taught me. and i don’t know why but he keeps referring to me as the error’s expert solver. only reason i can think of is so that he can dump all that error on to my shoulders.

anyway, i explained to my supervisor what happened. i explained what i saw and what the operator told me. he still didn’t believe and kept saying i was wrong. in the end, he told me to write a report and email it to him. so i spent like from 9.15pm till 11pm doing just that. searching through the event logs for the data and then getting snapshots of the data and then interpreting the data… heh. in the end, i took a cab home. thank goodness i’ve got enough cash.

i seriously want to change jobs. i’m not happy, i’m not content and i’m not satisfied.

Three Months

Thursday, 24th January 2008 @ 11:11am in work | 1 comment

three more months before the end of my probation period. three months in which if i want to resign, i can do so with only one week’s notice. after i’m confirmed, the notice period would be three month’s. so far, i’m not satisfied with what i’m doing. then again, all i have been doing is just error recovery. during the night shift, it’s kind of hard to have the motivation to learn. your mentors are sleeping and it’s a little bit hard to be on when you’re the new guy; especially when the status quo is very comfortable.

this week marks the end of my night shift. next week onwards for the next three months, i’ll be on day shifts. the good thing is that there’s no excuse not to catch up on learning new stuffs since we have the vendors still on scene for us to ask questions. we have the senior technical specialists on duty as well. moreover, during the day, the supervisors, managers and all the big dudes are around. you can’t sleep. you can’t even say there’s nothing to be done because there will always be something to do. even if you don’t actually have something, the big guys will give you something.

i’m still having this urge to hand in my resignation letter. i want to sign on as a paramedic. it’s much more interesting and besides, after having tasted that life for almost two years during my national service, i dare say i’m actually more proficient in it than in what i’m currently doing. i have more confidence in handling paramedical work than working on the OHTs.

well, i still have a couple more months. i hope that i will grow to like this job. i thought i would like it. i really do…

OT (iii)

Tuesday, 22nd January 2008 @ 9:22pm in work | No comments

back from OT. super tired. i went in late. according to the schedule that i supposedly signed up for, i was supposed to be having training from 8.30am till 6pm. however, because the training got cancelled and due to miscomm, what happened instead was that i was scheduled to help remove the STBs from the OHT tracks.

anyway, it was a tiring job. i arrived at 10.50am but according to what i heard, the actual work started only at 11am so i wasn’t actually late. only thing is, for me to claim shift OT pay, i actually have to clock in from 9am till 9.30pm. since i arrived at 10.50am, i was supposed to stay till 11.20pm to be eligible for the shift OT pay. decided to just GTFO. the pay’s not worth my while.

i’m seriously not happy with my job. i had all sorts of high hopes/expectations… all that happened was i became a glorified technician. so what if the pay i am getting is high? job satisfaction is what will make me stay on. even if i’m being paid a million dollars, if i’m not happy, i won’t stay on.

anyways, ended up banging my head on alot of overhangs and hitting my back on protruding keyboards… if i’m not dead yet after tomorrow night’s work, i’ll probably die on saturday night as i still have RT on saturday afternoon…

OT (ii)

Tuesday, 22nd January 2008 @ 10:03am in work | No comments

if there’s any reason as to why i would submit my resignation letter, it’s because of OT. there’s just too much OT. seriously. i don’t have a life anymore it seems. it seems every few nights, i’d receive a call asking me if i want to go for OT. i don’t mind if it’s a scheduled thing. however, lately, it’s more of a last minute thing.

take today’s OT. yes today’s OT was supposed to be a scheduled thing. however, last saturday morning, there was a slight miscomm and i thought that the OT thing was cancelled. turned out it wasn’t. the OT was supposed to be some training for the OHT vehicles. however, since we’re supposed to remove some tracks today, the training was rescheduled. i then assumed wrongly that the OT was cancelled. heh.

how wrong i was yah? so anyway… i have to rush down now for OT.

OT

Saturday, 19th January 2008 @ 10:11pm in work | No comments

just got called back again for OT. have to reject it this time though. i went for RT this afternoon after working last night. don’t think i can make it for another straight night. last saturday night was hell. i did it last saturday night and man… was i so bloody tired when that shift ended.

i still have to endure next saturday’s RT and night shift. after next saturday’s RT and night shift, my next RT would take place during my saturday day shift and i’m already given the go-ahead by HR to take authorised time-off to take my RT.

anyways, like i mentioned in my previous post, i really don’t know if i should stay or go. i realy have this urge to sign on as a paramedic. it’s like, every night when i’m on shift, all the pages that i received really makes me feel like i’m working as a paramedic, albeit one that’s recovering robotic errors. every bit of me yearns for a return to the action that’s on the ambulances.

really have no idea what to do. i do intend to further my studies too. if i were to sign on, the pay wouldn’t be as good as over here’s. i don’t know if what i’m experiencing now is the old “grass is greener on the other side” thing or if it’s a real “calling”. meh. i’ll have to pray about this.

work and doubts

Saturday, 19th January 2008 @ 11:14am in work | No comments

end of another tiring week. last night was crazy. unbelievably crazy. the muratec personnels came and uploaded a new software patch and somehow or other, that software patch screwed everything up. OHTs not picking up or dropping off FOUPs correctly or even jamming just above the equipment’s load ports.

i spent the whole night just running around and doing error recovery. no time to even submit eWorks. was inside the fab all the way till 8am this morning. finally managed to get away for awhile to have breakfast. aside from work issues, i still have to go down to school later to collect my transcripts and not to mention, i still have to go for my RT at CDA.

heh. in a dilemma now. i’m still under probation. that means i can resign with just one week’s notice. however, once i am confirmed, were i to resign, i would need to give three month’s notice. seriously have no idea if i want to continue staying in this company. at this point in time, i’m having serious doubts as to my future prospects in the company…

Paging for Hallway Tech!!!

Sunday, 13th January 2008 @ 11:48am in work | No comments

just got back from work. damn tiring. it’s not really stressful. not yet anyway. i’m working as a hallway systems technologist. basically, the scope of my job involves making sure our AMHS OHTs do not malfunction or hang along the tracks. this involves not just doing mechanical PMs or CMs but also knowledge of the MACS software systems. i also have to know how a CDS works and how to troubleshoot CDS problems because the CDS is actually integrated with the OHTs to form the comprehensive AMHS.

it’s really similar to my stint as an ambulance medic during my national service. an OHT vehicle would jam and a line operator would page for the “hallway tech” (that’s me). i would then have to respond on receiving the page. after i have performed error recovery, i would then need to submit an eWork report on the case.

it’s not that bad at night. if there’s no case, i could steal a nap or so. however, it’s like, since i’m the “new guy”, i tend to get pushed to doing all the error recoveries that i could easily handle. which usually is everything. my mentor made sure i know how to recover the most common errors… and whenever those errors occur… wooo!

heh. can’t wait for the upcoming shift change though. in another 1 or 2 weeks time, i’m changing from the night shift to the day shift. every 3 months, each shift has to rotate personnels. just so happened that i entered my shift 2 months into the night cycle so i could only do 1 month of night shift. there goes my 30% allowance…

Overhead Transport Unit
The Overhead Transport Units used to automatically deliver the FOUPs to the different machines.

Muratec AMHS Control System
One of the software panels in the MACS system.

Clean Depot System
A different version of the CDS stocker system used in my company.