work

prayed very hard about it and weighed the pros and cons. made my decision finally. it really wasn’t an easy decision to make. even after making the decision, a whole lot of doubts were creeping in. but one thing that CT said gave me pause. one of the reasons i want to convert to full time if possible is the people. CT said to give the other side a chance. who knows right? the other side may have nice people too!

i have thought about things. where i was once 60% deciding to convert to full time, i’m now about 80% deciding to continue on with the MOE job.

to be honest, there’s a whole lot of the pull factor in NVPC. in fact, while i was talking to LT about it, she mentioned that it’s kind of a comfort zone for me. weird. less than a month and already it’s a comfort zone. the people¹, the environment, the location… these are the pull factors. the push factor/s?

she is a micro-manager. she micro manages every little detail. and i hate that. give me my task and just leave me to it. i don’t like it when you hover over my shoulders and put your fingers into every little thing i do. it is detrimental to my work. it does nothing except frustrate me and possibly yourself. it will not make my work any easier or any better if you keep butting in.

another push factor? well. it’s not a push factor actually. it’s just that right now, the whole programme is still in development. since it is in development, my future job scope is not well defined at the moment. so everything is actually ‘touch and go’ at the moment. in fact, my current job function right now as a temp staff is just to facilitate research. the research i do will actually help to determine how fast and how far the programme will go. or at least i hope the research i do is actually that important.

anyway, i like the people. i really do. they are very nice. it’s weird though. i’m not leaving anytime soon but i already feel like i am. it’s probably like a terminally ill patient. even though you’re still alive, you know your days are numbered and you can’t help just cherishing and holding on to the memories as they come. weird.

heh. so. about the MOE job. for one thing, i have heard a bit about it. and not all things i have heard is good. i shall not colour that job though. i don’t care what others say. i want to experience it myself and put my own spin on things. all i shall say for now is that i am rather apprehensive about it. the pay actually leaves much to be desired. but i guess, both jobs actually pays very little. but it’s not really an issue. i’m not very motivated by money, although extra money would be very much welcomed.

i do believe that the MOE job would be good because of growth. both professionally and personally. not to say that i won’t grow while at NVPC but from the way things are at the moment, it would be wiser for me to hedge my bets on MOE.

i’m still at a lost. but at least i’m much closer to a decision now than i was yesterday. i will continue to pray for discernment.

1. excluding her.[↩]

i have a job waiting for me on the 28th of june. it’s something i am looking forward to. and it’s been something i’ve wanted to try since leaving Tech Semiconductor. in fact, when i left Tech, that was the reason i gave. that i wanted to try that job. i didn’t manage to get it that time.

and then i went on to work with Pru. almost 1 and a half years later, i have left Pru and am now waiting to enter that dream job. however, currently, i’m working temp at this other job. and i like it here. i like the culture, i like the people, i like the environment, location, etc. i like it here. but the pay leaves a bit to be desired. however, since i am only a temp staff, i’m not too bothered about the pay. i just wanted to do something meaningful to while away my time and to gain new skills and experiences.

now this is where my dilemma is. should i stay here and work full time? probably if i convert to full time, the pay would increase as well? maybe even match what the other job waiting for me is offering? but is the pay really all that is holding me back? or is there something more? it’s too early to tell since i’ve only been on the job for slightly more than a week. who knows right? maybe i would be glad to leave by the end of my 3 months here?

but the job and what the vision is all about… is meaningful. and that’s precisely why i left Pru! i wasn’t finding any meaning then. even though the vision of Pru and what Pru was about is meaningful. i just wasn’t finding any meaning to what i was doing. i keep saying i’m not motivated by money. but if i really am not motivated by money, why am i then bothered by the low pay of this temp job?

i was sharing with C, the pay is not all that important in the long run. but if another job is going to pay me higher, i’d be stupid not to. since after all, in this society, money is needed. i need money to attain my personal goals. even if the work i am doing here is meaningful, if in the end i cannot attain my personal goals, i will not be happy with my life even if i am happy with my work.

sigh. i’ll give myself a month. if in a month, i still feel like i want to work here permanently, i’ll talk to the higher-ups and see what can be done.